#Eleanor`s mom

[lifewithaview]

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan in Never Have I Ever (2020) …been a big, fat liar

S1E7

Devi oversteps several boundaries in an attempt to be a better friend. Eleanor's reunion with her mother leads to multiple revelations and confessions.

[genericpuff]

say sike right now, she's actually going back to The Doctor Pepper Show-

Like, this is just "What if The Doctor Pepper Show and LO had a baby?" Because at this point it's very clear Rachel only knows how to write from inside her own head, which is full of unresolved salt towards her childhood and medical fetish shit. The imagery in the first panel is very LO, and the imagery in the second is literally The Doctor Foxglove Show-

Evidently she's been reskinning the same shit for years-

Listen, I've been, for the most part, keeping my lips sealed on a lot of Rachel's old projects and what I've dug up on her previous works, for a few reasons:

1.) We were all cringe on the Internet at some point in time and a lot of these older works, such as Freak Scene Surgery and The Doctor Pepper Show, would have been from when she was in her late teens / early 20's. I'm not here to judge Rachel's personal preferences or whatever kind of fetishes she's into. It's totally normal, expected even, for a lot of creators to have older works they're trying to bury or disconnect themselves from because it's simply not them anymore.

2.) Ultimately I've been focused on discussion around Lore Olympus and Rachel as she currently operates as a creator, so I don't want to go digging up her old skeletons as any sort of "gotcha" towards LO today. Ultimately a lot of these works don't have anything to really 'do' with LO as it exists today.

That said, the reason I'm bringing it up now is because these new series... are bridging that gap that I've been avoiding for ages now. The gap that's filled with skeletons of Rachel's past that she's trying to both disconnect herself from but now fall back on with LO come and gone. It almost goes to show that her being a one-note pony goes back since far before LO - these are literally the only ideas she's able to come up with at this point, and it's painfully obvious in how both these new "graphic novel pitches" are pretty much the exact same and could apply to the same character, and that character may as well just be Persephone, i.e. Rachel, all over again.

Like, I'm calling it now, Patients in the Dark is just gonna be more "moms are bad" rhetoric, and Eleanor's Deathbed is gonna be Hades and Persephone, but replace Hades with some death god and Persephone with a training mortician, which is basically also still just Foxglove training to be a doctor, and Icy Shaw bragging about fondling corpses.

If anything, now that Webtoons is no longer carrying her around on their shoulders, this is gonna be Rachel's moment of "put up or shut up". She can either actually put in an active effort to write something that's decent, or she can flounder under the weight of her own tired mediocrity that's been knocking at her door for years now. As much as she's using her labels that were bought for her to sell these books which aren't even in real development yet-

-Webtoons isn't gonna be there to buy her Eisners forever. This is entirely on her and the imprint that Webtoons shoved her into. Her process is still the same, she's learned nothing from the experience of making LO, she's just got the money and awards now and is trying to run with it, but all she has are the same tired pitch lines that she's been using for decades now and just so happened to work with LO because LO had both Webtoons and the appeal of it being a Greek myth "retelling" to carry it into fame.

I'm gonna go into a bit of a tangent here, but it's been weighing on my mind since I found out this news and have been discussing it with pals within the ULO circle. Rachel once said in an interview that she wanted to use her platform to raise awareness of issues regarding sexual assault, mental health, and "the patriarchy":

"Who do you know that hasn’t been sexually assaulted? The number is depressingly low, right? Why is that? There is no short answer or an easy fix. I have a platform. I can tell a story that will hopefully educate and help others feel acknowledged and vindicated." - Rachel Smythe, Interview with Gossamer Rainbow

"...obviously I'm very feminist, and that sort of stuff really matters to me, um, the best way to approach this question is… I began, the pilot was written in sort of mid-2017, and I think what I wanted, what I wanted to achieve, and I don't even know… probably in 5 years time I don't know how I'm going to feel about this but I'm taking the risk, I really wanted to write a story where, uh…this female character goes through these things and I think what I wanted to do, what I wanted to achieve, was like a really common, I can't speak for like, men, but I can definitely speak for like, you know, if you're sitting in a group of your female friends and you're like "Hey! Who's been sexually assaulted?" … The response is going to be really depressing… Most female people that you know have probably experienced sexual assault to, on one level or another, and I'm like, for me I'm like "Why is that? Why?" And is it because there is a lack of information, lack of education, like what is it? And I'm lucky enough to have a platform and I'm like, if I could just provide some information in story format, would that help? Is this what I can contribute? So I feel like, especially, when writing sexual assault in media often it's… it's a way for the main male character to be, like, uplifted to hero-ness by, usually like, violence is the way to fix the problem, and that's not the approach that I want to take… um, I think [sighs], oh god, sorry I've lost my train of thought, [sighs], yeah, I think a lot of the time in movies when they, like, show rapists or something it's generally someone who's jumped out from behind the tree at a lady in a park and it's not really how it is like 90% of the time [laughs], so I just wanted to make something realistic where people could at it and be, like, "hey, nagging someone into sex isn't cool" or like removing all of their opportunities to say no isn't cool, or for someone to look at it, and just like feel validation, this is me trying, trying my best to make a difference with the platform that I have, and yeah, this is my roundabout answer for it" - Rachel Smythe, Interview with The Comic Source

And yet not once has Rachel actually used her platform for good outside of herself. She just asks the question, "Sexual assault?" and then writes off the answer "yes, it's bad!" and it especially shows in LO where the resolution to the one plotline she kept around to draw in readers was "assaulters are sent to the timeout corner!" Sure, it works for the readers who are simply seeking validation that their experiences aren't unique to themselves, but is it actually doing any real work to talk about the systems in place that leads to people like Apollo being created? Is it doing anything to address purity culture as it exists and the double standards that exist for women who are navigating sexual relationships? Is it doing anything to take the discussion outside of the narrative and put it into action through support of women's shelters, charities, mental health support for men, etc.? Not really. Like many of Rachel's ideas throughout LO, she simply goes, "Men, amirite?" and the answer is "yeah men suck!" and nothing more. The answer to the entire SA plotline is "rape is bad, don't do it" when anyone who could even relate to that conclusion in the first place already knows that.

Ultimately the activism she claims she's trying to do doesn't actually service the issue at hand - it just services herself and her own insecurities, her own unresolved trauma, her own need for validation through Eisners and merch sales. She asks the question, "Who hasn't been assaulted?" so that when she responds to the women who come forward and relate to Persephone, it's with the intent of getting them to read LO and buy her merchandise. She winds up making herself the center of other people's experiences, even ones that she cannot relate to. At BEST her attempts to "use her platform" as a means of starting discussion around ongoing societal issues like the patriarchy and sexual assault towards women is about as effective as Bell #LetsTalk, it's purely performative, self-profiting, and offers nothing of real tangibility.

If she just wants to write her own self-empowering personal works, that would be fine. Plenty of creators do it. Art is, at its core, self-expression. But it's extremely telling that she's built a platform off her self-expression, and twisted it into what she believes to be "activism" and "feminism", so that she can continue to profit off it in her future works such as this, which, again, are just reskins of her previous projects which were largely centered around the fetishizing of abuse towards women.

I don't want to claim that this is what it is, but... how much of the "feminism" in LO is done purely through the lens of victimizing women? Why is there more effort put into torturing female characters like Hera, and Demeter, and Minthe, and even Persephone to a certain degree, than there is into actually addressing the larger issue that she's claiming she wants to shed light on and resolving her questions with actionable answers?

That is the only question I will leave you all with. I am absolutely 100% not planning on touching these works with a ten foot pole, even if they should come to fruition. With the recent realization that she was into artists like Trevor Brown, alongside the fact that we've known for a long time she's into Lolita and there are very clear parallels to draw between it and LO, I think it's safe to say at this point that Rachel's work is not something I want to continue to support even when it's "hate reading". Again, I'm not going to outright accuse her of anything, but I feel like the writing is clearly on the wall here and I'm taking that writing as my warning to steer clear.

I didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room - her older works as they exist in the distant past of the early 2000's - but she's now riding the elephant.

[franki-lew-yo]

--Fifty actually good Free to Watch Animated Movies--

Most are on Tubi, of course, but I don't think you'll mind that. Get em while they're hot - please dm/pm with any potential triggercontent warnings that you think might be needed.

I especially recommend Mary & Max, Kubo and the Two Strings, Last Unicorn, The Wolf House, Ernest and Celestine, Rock & Rule, Hair High, and Nocturna.

They're all beautiful and absolutely worth your time while they're still on Tubi, Youtube, or just online at all.

Safe for Families 

The Legend of Hei (Chinese, English Dub) Action, Fantasy

Ernest and Celestine (English Dub) Comedy/Drama

All Dogs go to Heaven (English) Fantasy/Action/Musical

The Secret of NIMH (English) Adventure/Action/Drama

Nocturna (English Dub) Fantasy/Comedy

The Mouse and his Child (English) Drama/Adventure

The Magic Pony/The Humpbacked Horse (English Dub) Fantasy/Adventure

Ferngully: The Last Rainforest (English) Fantasy/Adventure/Musical

Here Comes Peter Cottontail (English) Comedy/Fantasy/Musical

Moon Man (English Dubs) Fantasy/Comedy

The Legend of Sirius/Sea Prince and the Fire Child (English) Fantasy/Romance/Drama

The Adventures of Unico and Unico and the Island of Magic (English Dubs) Fantasy/Adventure/Comedy

The Snow Queen (English Dub) Fantasy/Adventure

Long Way North (English Dub) Adventure/Historical

Eleanor’s Secret (English Dub) Fantasy/Adventure

The Last Unicorn (English) Fantasy/Drama/Adventure CW: Contains a harpy for one scene that your super religious mom might have a fit at but otherwise safe

Night on the Galactic Railroad (English Dub) Drama/Fantasy

Havoc in Heaven (Mandarin, subs available) Fantasy/Action/Adventure

Tito and the Birds (English Dub) Fantasy/Action/Horror

The Thief and the Cobbler (English) Adventure/Fantasy/Action CW: Ideologically sensitive despictions

The Adventures of Mark Twain (English) Adventure/Fantasy CW: May disturb some children, ideologically sensitive material

Raggedy Anne and Andy: A Musical Adventure (English) Adventure/Fantasy

On Happiness Road (Hokkien/Mandarin, English Sub) Drama/Comedy/Adventure CW: Systemic oppression

The Tale of the Fox (German, English Sub) Fantasy/Adventure

Ringing Bell (Japanese, English Sub) Drama/Adventure CW: May upset some children as it's an analogy for child soldiers

The Brave Little Toaster (English) Adventure/Drama CW: violence towards appliances

The Little Vampire (English Dub) Fantasy/Adventure

--Mature--

Have a Nice Day (Mandarin, English Sub) Action/Thriller/Crime CW: Violence, Domestic Abuse

The Painting (English Dub) Adventure/Comedy/Drama

Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (English Dub) Drama/Thriller/Action CW: Police Brutality

A Cat in Paris (English Dub) Action/Comedy/Crime

Penguin Highway (English Dub) Speculative fiction/Drama

When the Wind Blows (English) Drama/Horror CW:Radiation poisoning, Elder Abuse

I Married a Strange Person (English) Comedy/Horror/Romance CW: Violence

Blood Tea and Red String (English) Horror/Arthouse CW: Violence, Sexual assault imagery

S He (non-verbal) Arthouse/Horror CW: sexism and misogynist ab*se (with shoes)

The Plague Dogs (English) Drama/Action CW: Animal abuse, animal death, violence

The Romantic (English) Fantasy/Horror CW: Domestic abuse

A Dog's Courage (English dub) Drama/Action/Adventure CW: Animal abuse

Robot Carnival (English Dub) Sci-Fi/Drama

Vampires in Havana (Spanish, English Sub) Comedy/Drama CW: Violence

Gandahar (French) Fantasy/Action/Adventure

Animal Farm (English) Drama/Thriller CW: Animal death, animal abuse

Technotise: Edit & I (Serbian, English Sub) Thriller/Fantasy

Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic (English) Horror/Fantasy CW: Religious/sexual/domestic abuse imagery, violence

Louis by the Shore (English dub) Drama/Psychological

Rock & Rule (English) Fantasy/Action/Musical

Ghost in the Shell (English Dub) Action/Thriller/Drama

Millenium Actress (English Dub) Fantasy/History/Action

Away (Latvian, no talking) Arthouse/Drama

[music-tourney]

Here are all 72 songs we are entering in the tournament

Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles

Somebody to Love by Jefferson Airplane

Nights in White Satin by the Moody Blues

Sweet Caroline By Neil Diamond

All along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix

Pinball Wizard by The Who

House of the Rising Sun by the Animals

California Dreamin’ by The Mama's and the Papa's

People are strange by the Doors

Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones

Mrs. Robinson By Simon and Garfunkel

Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Good vibrations by the Beach Boys

What a wonderful World by Louis Armstrong

21st Century Schizoid Man By King Crimson

Space Oddity by David Bowie

You really got me by the Kinks

Spirit in the Sky By Norman Greenbaum

Respect by Aretha Franklin

Feeling Good by Nina Simone

I'm a Believer by The Monkees

White Room by Cream

Piece of my Heart By Big Brother and the Holding Company

Season of the Witch by Donovan

Like a rolling stone by Bob Dylan

Be my Baby by the Ronettes

Son of a Preacher man by Dusty Springfield

She's not there by the Zombies

Complication by the Monks

Heroin by the Velvet Underground

Ain't Too Proud for Beggin by the Temptations

I want you back by The Jackson 5

Alice's Restaurant Massacree by Arlo Guthrie

Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison

Eight Miles High by the Byrds

Come A little bit Closer by Jay and the Americans

So Long Mom (A song for World War III) by Tom Lehrer

Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash

Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Cosby, Stills and Nash

Change is gonna come by Sam Cooke

You Can't Hurry Love by the Supremes

Happy Together by the Turtles

Tainted Love by Gloria Jones

Dream a Little Dream of Me by Mama Cass

Maybe This Time by Liza Minnelli

Don't Rain on My Parade by Barbra Streisand

Puff the Magic Dragon by Peter, Paul and Mary

Good Times, Bad Times by Led Zeppelin

Ain't no mountain high enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

This boots are made for walking by Nancy Sinatra

Sitting by the dock of the bay by Otis Redmond

Cactus tree by Joni Mitchell

Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and the Shondells

I Got You (I Feel Good) by James Brown

Georgia on My Mind by Ray Charles

River Deep Mountain High by Ike and Tina Turner

My Way by Frank Sinatra

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

Fire by Arthur Brown

Blackberry Way by the move

The Girl From Ipanema by Stan Getz And Joāo Gilberto

Can't take my eyes off you - Frankie valli

Green onions by Booker T. & The M.G.’s

Stand by Me by Ben E. King

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows By Lesley Gore

Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett

Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell

I Say a Little Prayer by Dionne Warwick

Aquarius (Let the Sunshine In) by the 5th Dimension

The Impossible Dream by Jim Nabors

Return to sender by Elvis Presley

It's not Unusual by Tom Jones

[bqstqnbruin]

The Party's Over, Go Home

Hello hello here I am with my fic for @wyattjohnston's winter fic exchange!

I had the pleasure of writing for @sc0tters I hope you like it!

Shoutout to @kat-hearts @matthewtkachuk and @raysofcrosby for reading through this and getting mad at me :)

This is inspired by Intrusive Thoughts by Natalie Jane, Deserve by Jake Clark, and the Gilmore Girl's episode from season 5 called The Party's Over

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, family financial issues, this is angst, the spacebar on my computer is starting to break so typos (I tried)

WC: 11k

__________________________________

“We should do something tonight.”

“I was going to go to bed early, actually.”

“You do that every night.”

“What, are you stalking me now?”

“No,” Kendyl draws out. “You stop texting me by like, 8:30 every night. Your phone is on do not disturb half an hour later. Either you’re asleep early, or you’re ignoring everyone by then.”

Ellie narrows her eyes at her coworker. They still weren’t close enough that she felt she could comfortably hang out with the people she worked with outside of the workday. She had only been at her new job for a month, still getting the hang of things, trying to get to know people and figure everything out. Spending time outside her apartment with people who were practically strangers when she could be in her warm bed with her flannel sheets that she loved more than anything on this planet? “I don’t like that you picked up on that.” 

“Well, too bad,” Kendyl says, sitting down on Ellie’s desk. “A bunch of us are going out tonight, so why not?” Ellie hesitates to answer. “If it sucks, you can go home at ten. You’ll be in bed by 10:30, two hours later than normal. And it’s Friday, we don’t have work tomorrow for you to use that as an excuse as to why you have to get up early, and you already told me that the only thing you planned on doing this weekend was laundry and cleaning.”

Ellie let out a long sigh. Maybe Kendyl did know her well enough to be able to call her out on her shit already. “God.”

“I don’t know if you’re religious or not to know if that’s a yes.”

“Fine,” she says, shuddering at Kendyl’s squeal of excitement. “But you’re buying at least one round and I get to leave at 9:30 if I want to.” 

“Deal.” 

Ellie’s day was full of dread, from spending the rest of work distracted about having to go out with seemingly everyone at her job, so the stress involved with getting ready and trying to look like someone who was actually 24, not the ‘1980’s power boss bitch without the hair and shoulder pads’ as Kendyl had described her multiple times, even down to walking to the bar that Kendyl had picked that felt way too conveniently down the street from her apartment. 

“I’m surprised you even had someone convince you to go out,” her younger brother, Alex, says on the other end of their phone call. As soon as he saw Ellie leaving her apartment on Find My Friends, he called her panicked that something was wrong. “You never went out in college. I had to beg you to go to that one party the time I visited you.”

“That’s because you were still seventeen and Mom would have killed me if she found out you went.”

“She knew I was going to try anyway.”

“I’m going out because I was promised free drinks and the prospect of going home early if I want to. It’s not like I’m being forced to go out against my will.” 

“I promised you free drinks.” 

“Alexander.”

“Eleanor. Just be safe, ok? Let me know when you get home.”

“You sound like Mom.”

“If I were Mom, I would be yelling at you for not wearing a jacket.”

“How do you know I’m not wearing a jacket?”

“You never wear a jacket. Mom has been yelling at you about that since you were five.” 

Ellie lets out a laugh, a sudden chill coursing through her when she realizes she can see her breath. “How is Mom, have you checked in on her?’

“Yes, Ellie.”

“In person?”

“Yes, Ellie. She’s good. At least, she says she is.” 

The two of them stay on the phone in silence for a moment, knowing what he really means. Ellie and Alex hated the topic of how their mom was doing, but if they didn’t talk about it with each other, who else did they have? Their mom and Alex still live in the same area even if Alex was away at college and living in a dorm rather than with her. Ellie was on the other side of the continent now, for a job that she barely had any friends at, in a city she still barely knew, surrounded by things she wasn’t used to. 

“Hey, I’m outside the bar now, I’ll talk to you later?” she ends the call, taking in one last deep breath before heading into what she was sure was going to be 

“You came!” Kendyl yells once Ellie finally manages to get into the bar. “Here’s the first drink.”

Before Ellie could even tell Kendyl she wasn’t ready yet to start drinking, the drink was pressed to her chest and nearly spilled down the front of her. Despite it being early enough in the night that no one should be drunk by now, Kendyl and the rest of her coworkers seemed to be well on their way with Ellie needing more drinks than she could count to catch up. 

The night goes by slowly, the drinks going away fast, and Ellie sitting in the corner while her coworkers, who are obviously close, talk about a bunch of inside jokes from before she was hired that Ellie was unable to participate in.

“Remember when he ordered the wrong cake?” Wesley slurs, punching Doug in the shoulder.

“I swear she told me to say, ‘Happy Retirement,’” Douglas defends himself.

“It was my 28th birthday, not my retirement?” Hazel says, everyone except Ellie bursting into a fit of laughter.

“What about when Sammy dialed 911 during the meeting?” Kendyl adds through wheezes, the remains of her drink nearly spilling on Ellie’s shirt, again.

“It fell out of my pocket and bounced weird!”

“How does a bouncing phone dial 911?”

“That’s the set up to a bad pick up line.”

“More like the setup to a story that makes no sense,” Ellie mutters, thankful that her coworker's howling laughter was too loud to hear her.

She gets up from the table, draining her drink on her way to the bar. It was only 9:15. She promised Kendyl 15 more minutes. The least she could do was down another drink in that time before pulling her classic Irish exit to go home and get in bed. 

“Rum and coke?” she asks once she gets up to the bar, the sticky wooden counter acting as anything but inviting for her to lean on. 

“Me, too, and put it on my tab,” someone says behind her, Ellie’s face immediately turning sour at the thought of some guy buying her a drink to probably get her to hook up with him.

“My friend is paying for it, actually,” she turns to him, surprised to find a seemingly innocent-looking guy around her age and not the middle-aged gross man she thought he would be. Anything was possible, and looks can be deceiving.

“Which friend, the one who almost spilled her drink on you or the one of the ones who have been ignoring you the entire night and letting you sit in silence while they have a good time around you?”

“I already don’t like you.” 

“My friends pointed you out and said you were me when they drag me out to bars.”

“So you’re the friend who they barely know and who they only invited out of pity?”

“That’s dark. But also, kinda hot,” he says, the pink rushing to his cheeks as he turns away out of embarrassment. “Sorry, um. I’m going to go sit down now.”

“You haven’t gotten your drink yet,” Ellie points out, his sudden bashfulness making Ellie soften for him. “I just moved here. I don’t really know any of them too well.”

“I know what that’s like,” he tells her, leaning against the bar. 

“You’re not from here, either?”

He shakes his head. “Born in Orlando, moved to Boston, then moved to Toronto, and kept going from there.” 

“That sounds unstable,” she says, passing one of the newly appeared glasses of alcohol to the guy in front of her.

He shrugs, lifting the drink to his lips. “Well, they say you are a product of your environment.” 

Ellie lets out a laugh, the first one that she had let out all night. “That’s dark. But also, kinda hot,” she repeats, the pink returning to his cheeks again.

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”

“Depends on how long we keep talking.”

“Hopefully it lasts past tonight.”

“It can’t if you don’t tell me your name. I’m Ellie.”

“I’m Quinn.”

Ellie loses count of how many drinks Quinn gets her, how long they’re talking, and when all of her coworkers leave the bar, not even telling her that they were leaving without her. 

She could feel the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her body, the bar getting busier the longer she and Quinn stood there. Someone shoves in between Ellie and whoever is behind her, pushing her into Quinn’s arms without her being able to catch her balance. His hand falls to the small of her back, spreading out to hold her steady. They stood there in silence, the rest of the bar a world away from them. 

“Are you ok?” Quinn whispers in her ear, his breath tickling her skin. 

Ellie stammers for a second, trying to process what just happened. The alcohol was making everything foggy, and the room starting to spin slightly around her as if Quinn was rocking her back and forth. “Um, I, yes?”

His eyes flickered down to her lips, the distance between them closing with each additional person, he was so close to kissing her. 

“I should go home,” Ellie says before he can, knowing that kissing him now would not be a good idea for either of them. 

His grip on her doesn’t relax, the disappointment Ellie expected to show up on his face not there at all. “I’m walking you home,” he tells her, slipping his hand into hers before she can protest. 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to.” 

The difference in temperature between the bar and outside hit Ellie faster than she could process it, her lack of jacket her brother had scolded her for earlier biting her in the ass harder than the cold was in the moment.

Ellie didn’t even process Quinn taking off his own coat, the one she didn’t even realize he had been wearing the entire time, and putting it around her shoulders before wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. 

She was on autopilot, unsure how she managed to navigate her way to her apartment when her mind was on Quinn’s body pressed against hers. She just met him. She didn’t know much about him. She didn’t even know what he did for work and only knew that he had two brothers who lived in New Jersey even though that wasn’t one of the places that he mentioned living before. 

“Here,” Ellie barely gets out, surprised with herself for managing to get back to the right place. 

“Do you want me to walk you to your door?” Quinn asks, shoving his hands in his pockets when he finally lets go of her. 

“No, it’s fine.” 

Ellie goes to take off the jacket and give it back to him, the warmth something her drunk self quickly realized she was going to miss. “No, keep it. It looks better on you anyway,” Quinn tells her, pulling his things out of his pockets before turning away to head off.

She stands there for a few seconds, trying to process what had happened that night. 

“Wait, no,” Quinn says, appearing again in front of her. “I can’t leave without getting your number first.” 

“I couldn’t even tell you what my number is right now,” she admits, handing him her phone instead.

Quinn laughs, putting his number in. “I want to see you again, Ellie.”

She smirks at him. “We’ll see, Quinn.” 

___________________

“What do you mean you’re not bringing anyone?”

“No one said I had to bring anyone.” 

“Everyone brings someone. You have to bring a date to the holiday party.”

“Then why was one of the options on the RSVP ‘no’ to the question ‘will a guest be accompanying you?’”

Kendyl whines, earning a cringy look from Ellie. “You have no one you can bring?” 

Ellie rolls her eyes, leaning back in her desk chair. “Let’s see, I’ve been here for like, what, two months? I knew no one when I got here, I hate going out and don’t have anywhere to meet anyone, and somehow none of you here know anyone either. Who would I bring?”

“What about that guy you met at the bar that one time? I see his name popping up on your phone all the time.”

Ellie snatches her phone from her desk and holds it against her chest as Kendyl cranes her neck to see that her statement is actually fact, three messages from Quinn, a fourth appearing while they were talking. “You need to learn what a boundary is.”

“And you need to learn what the Focus feature is on your phone when you’re showing me things because his name always shows up.” 

She couldn’t invite Quinn to the party. She barely knew him, she couldn’t throw him into the party with a bunch of her coworkers who she also barely knew, putting her phone back on the desk without thinking. “He’s probably busy.”

Kendyl rolls her eyes, snatching Ellie’s phone from her desk before she can protest, fiddling with it while Ellie tries to process what could possibly be happening in front of her. “He’s not.”

“What?”

“He’s not busy.” 

“Ken, what did you do?” Kendyl hands Ellie back her phone, a quick conversation with Quinn on her screen, ‘Ellie’ asks him what he was doing the night of the holiday party and he immediately answers that he is free. “Why are you like this?” 

Kendyl shrugs, slowly backing away from Ellie’s desk. “You had fun talking to him at the bar, enough fun that he responded to you within seconds of being asked if he was free.” 

Ellie looks back at her phone as Kendyl finally leaves her alone. The whole idea of having to bring a date seemed archaic in a way that Ellie couldn’t quite put her finger on. Why did she have to bring someone she barely knew to a party with more people she barely knew?

But she really did know Quinn better than she was letting on. She still didn’t know what he did with his life, him weirdly making her promise not to look him up, which made Ellie immediately question if he was a serial killer. He wasn’t, allegedly, but that still didn’t make sense. 

She knew that he was from the States, went to school there until he left early for whatever job he had. He has two younger brothers, and apparently is known amongst his friends for looking like he was having a nonstop existential crisis, while also being nicknamed ‘Huggy Bear.’ She also knew that he was sweet, and listened to her when she went off on a tangent about something, him following right along and matching the energy she had. She knew that she wanted to see him again every night since she had met him that first time, and that he wanted the same thing.

His name came up on her phone, a call from him. “Hi, sorry, it’s easier to talk than text right now.”

“Why are you out of breath?”

“Workout.” Must be nice to have a job where he can just go and work out in the middle of the day, Ellie thinks to herself. “So, the 18th?”

“Yeah,” Ellie lets out, suddenly nervous. It felt like she was asking him for something much more serious than just going with her to an office party. “It’s the holiday party for my company, and apparently everyone needs to bring a date.”

“And you want me to find you one?”

Ellie’s jaw drops at his comment. “No, idiot, I wanted to bring you.” 

“Oh, thank god. I was running through my friends who would go and none of them are good enough for you.”

Ellie could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks at his comment. Did he consider this a date? Was it a date? Was it bad if she considered it a date and he didn’t? What if he didn’t? Why was her mind running at a mile a minute while Quinn was there on the other end of her phone waiting for her to say something else? “So that’s a yes?”

“Of course, it’s a yes. It’s one of the few nights I have off, I want to spend it with you.”

The next days went by in a blur, Ellie freaking out over everything from what she was going to wear, texting and calling Quinn even more, wishing that they could see each other sooner.

“It’s not obsessive, is it?” she asks Kendyl, staring at herself in the mirror. Kendyl insisted on coming over to Ellie’s place to get ready, telling her that her roommate had their partner over that night and the last thing she needed to do was try to use the bathroom to get rid when they had a habit of taking it over for more than a few hours.

“No, El, you just like him. I think it becomes obsessive when you start to stalk him and you show up to where he works unprovoked.” 

“Why do you say that like you’ve either done that or you’ve had that happen to you?”

“I’ll let you decide which one is better. What time is Quinn coming?”

“He’s supposed to get here in ten minutes.” 

“Just breathe, El. You’re going to have fun.” Kendyl left her to finish getting herself ready, her date already waiting outside to take her to the party. They could have all gone together, as pointed out by Kendyl, but it was better to not throw Quinn directly into the fire that was her closest coworker. 

Ellie’s phone starts ringing, not checking but expecting it to be Quinn calling to tell her he was early. She pops out of her seat to head to the door, picking up the phone and answering with an excited “Hi!”

“Eleanor?” 

Ellie stops in her tracks, her mom’s voice coming over her phone speaker. “Mom?”

“Sweetie, can you do me a favor?” 

Ellie felt her heart drop to her stomach, already knowing what her mom was going to ask her. It was the same thing that her mom always asked since she first got a job when she was in high school, every time she answered the phone while she was getting her degree, no matter where Ellie was in her life, it was never a call that a mother should have to make to one of her children this often. “Mom,” she lets out, knowing that she couldn’t say no.

“Please, Eleanor. I need the money. I, I-” 

“Mom, you promised,” Ellie cuts her off, not wanting to hear anymore even though she knew her mom would keep going.

“I thought I would get a raise before they sent the eviction notice this time.”

“Mom,” Ellie says, more exasperated this time. “You have to stop doing this. You do this to me every time.” 

“Alexander can���t help this time.”

Ellie heard a knock at her door, not even processing the fact that she should be looking through the peephole to make sure it wasn’t a murderer, opening it, and letting whoever it was in. Thankfully, it was Quinn, waving him in and motioning to give her a moment.

“Alex is still in college, already struggling because you’re no help. He shouldn’t have to give you anything in the first place.”

Quinn stands there, clearly uneasy at listening to only Ellie’s end of the conversation but following Ellie into her room regardless. He stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed while he watches Ellie continue to get ready. 

“But you said last time that I couldn’t ask you again.”

“I didn’t mean for you to ask my little brother.”

“Eleanor, please. He’ll have nowhere to come home to. I’ll have nowhere to go home to.”

“What happened to everything you had last time I asked you?”

“It went towards all of the other bills, I promise. I’ll send you every confirmation for every bill I have.” 

“You’re not lying to me this time?”

“I’m not, I swear!”

“How many months did Alex cover?”

“Only half of one month.”

“How many months are you behind?”

“I swear I used everything I had to pay-”

“Mom, how many months are you behind?” Ellie knew she was raising her voice, forgetting that Quinn was even behind her. She stopped putting her makeup on at this point, knowing that the tears that were about to fall were going to ruin what she had already on, anyway. 

“Four.”

“Fuck, Mom.”

“Please?” her mom’s voice comes through, small and on the brink of breaking. “I know I’m still paying you back from last time. But what else am I supposed to do?’

“I’m sending it now,” she tells her, hanging up before her mother could say anything else. Ellie forgot Quinn was standing there in her doorway, putting her phone down on her vanity and putting her face in her hands. This couldn’t be happening again. Not again.

Quinn clears his throat, causing Ellie to jump. “Should I go?” he asks, creeping into her room.

Ellie wipes the tears from her cheeks, cursing herself mentally for now having to redo the makeup she already took too long to do the first time. “Uh,” she stammers, “No, no. I’ll be ready in a second.”

“Ellie,” Quinn kneels on the floor next to her, gently placing his hand on her thigh. “We don’t have to go to this.” 

“No, it’s fine, I’m fine.”

“El.” 

Ellie finally turned to him, the genuine concern on his face causing her to burst into tears. He reached up and pulled her close to him, his one hand on her back, the other holding her head on his shoulder, letting her cry on his white shirt. She hears him let out a quiet shushing noise, trying to comfort her in the way she had needed for so long. She cried for so long that she didn’t know how much time passed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers when she finally stops crying, not moving from their position. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She never told anyone about the stuff with her mom. Ellie had been holding it in for years, going from friend to friend, place to place, never letting this out with anyone who wasn’t her younger brother, the one person who would understand and who she knew also understood what it was like. 

But there was something about Quinn. She thought she could trust him, for whatever reason. She never told her ex-boyfriends in college or high school, despite the fact that this had been going on since then. 

Ellie takes in a deep breath. “The only people who know this are me, my mom, and my brother, do you understand?” she asks him, watching him nod. “It started, I think, when my dad left. I was probably 10? Alex was 6, maybe?  I don’t even remember, honestly. This probably started before Dad left, Alex and I think it’s why he left. But our mother is absolutely shit when it comes to money. Like, put us in debt every few months that then somehow fell to us as her children to bail her out.” 

“God,” Quinn lets out, Ellie continuing over him.

“I think we realized it was getting bad when she told us we were moving somewhere smaller right before I was starting high school, out of the blue, when we had already moved to ‘somewhere smaller’ three times in four years. Normally she said she had been planning it because we, of course, needed somewhere to live, and she didn’t like where we were, but that was weird. I didn’t realize it was because we had been evicted every single time until I found the seven eviction notices my second year of high school from the last three times and a notice that we were getting evicted that year, too.”

“Ellie, I’m so sorry,” he tells her, pulling her back in for a hug. 

She sighed, knowing that there was nothing more he could say. “At this point it’s normal, it’s just still frustrating when she tells me and Alex that she’s fine and that she has the money for everything, and then out of nowhere, tells us she hasn’t paid the rent for her current place in four months. Like, do you know what it’s like to have your mother owe you nearly a hundred thousand dollars because of how much she keeps needing?”

“I can’t even imagine.” The two of them sit in silence for a moment, neither of them sure what to do next. 

“I’m glad you can’t. It fucking sucks,” she says, turning back to her vanity mirror. “God, I don’t even want to go to this stupid party anymore.” 

“Hey, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. We can stay here, we can go to my place, we can go somewhere else, we can do anything.”

“We?”

“I don’t want to leave you, Ellie. I came tonight because I wanted to spend time with you,” Quinn tells her, taking her hand in his. “If you’ll let me, I’ll take you wherever you want.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“Ellie, I want to be with you.” 

___________________

“Kendyl, I told you, I’m hanging out with Quinn and the rest of the guys tonight.” 

“Can I please come?”

“Absolutely not.” 

“But you’re dating the captain of the fucking Vancouver Canucks. You have to bring your best friend along with you.” 

“Alexander can’t come tonight either.”

“Ok, rude.”

Ellie was already nervous about meeting Quinn's teammates. It had taken a while for her to wrap her head around that he was not only a hockey player, but a professional one, and the actual captain of the team. Honestly, she didn’t see it coming. She had heard so much about Elias and Brock that she felt like she knew them at this point. She hadn’t even met them. As close as she had gotten to Kendyl in the last six months she spent at her job, and as much time as they spent together outside of work when she wasn’t with Quinn, she didn’t need Kendyl mixed into the group. 

“Let me meet them first, then we can talk about you meeting them, ok?” she tries to assure her, hearing a knock at her door. “I’ve gotta go, Quinn is here.”

She hangs up on Kendyl before she can protest, slightly worried that she would use the ‘Find my friends’ feature to just stalk the house they were going to and end up on the doorstep uninvited. 

“Hi,” she opens the door, stopping for a second to take him in. God, she hated how hard she fell for him in a short amount of time. He was perfect to her at that moment. 

He pulled her in for a kiss, one that made her wish they were staying in rather than heading to spend time with his friends. “Hi,” he whispers, kissing her again before pulling away. “You look amazing, as always.”

“I’m wearing jeans and a sweater,” she counters.

“And?” He could say anything to her with that stupid smile on his face and make her swoon. “Ready?”

They head out to his car, Ellie’s heart racing as they get closer and closer to Thatcher’s house. She wasn’t great with meeting large groups of people all at once, despite being in a new school nearly every year of her awkward teenage years and being forced to interact with new people every time. 

“Hey,” Quinn says, resting his hand on her thigh as he drives down the highway, giving her a gentle squeeze to try to calm her down. “You’re going to like the guys. And they’re going to love you.”

“Yeah?” she says, her voice shaking slightly. 

“How could they not?” he asks, taking her hand and bringing to his lips, his eyes glued to the road in front of them so he couldn’t see her melting at his words and his touch. “You’ll get along great with Elias.”

“He’s the one from Sweden?”

“Yeah,” Quinn tells her, pulling into the driveway of a house so massive Ellie wasn’t sure people could actually live in it. It was certainly bigger than anything she could have ever dreamed of being near, let alone being invited to. “He’s got kind of a dry humor. You’ll like him.”

Ellie takes in a deep breath, feeling incredibly inadequate just getting out of his car and standing on the pavement of a place like Thatcher’s house. Maybe she should have invited Kendyl. 

Quinn takes her hand, pulling her along to the door when everything inside her was telling her to turn around and just run. There was no way she was good enough to be in this house, not with everything in her life, not when Quinn and his teammates had everything they could possibly want at the tips of their fingers. 

He stops at the door, pulling her close to him, dropping her hand, and cupping her face to kiss her again, calming her immediately. “Hi,” he breathes when he pulls away.

“Hi again. What was that for?” she asked, his hands slipping down to her waist, sending a shiver through her entire body as he traced her sides. 

“I’m going to want to do that so many times tonight, but I know the guys will tease us for it. I’ve gotta do what I can now.” 

That shouldn’t have made her feel the way it did. He could say or do anything at this point and she would melt. 

They go inside, the house loud and full of people despite Quinn telling her that it was just supposed to be a ‘small get-together.’ Everything in the house looked expensive, Ellie’s anxiety immediately spiking. She followed Quinn blindly through the house, all of his teammates talking to him and him introducing her to all of them while she stood there nearly mute over the sheer stimulus overload that was all around her. She barely noticed the drinks that found their way in hers and Quinn's hands, drinking once she saw Quinn drinking it, as well. 

“Elias is right over here,” he whispers in her ear, his hand still in hers and giving her a reassuring squeeze as he leads her off into one of the side rooms. The room was quieter, the lights dimmer, and had a lot less people than any of the other rooms. 

“You got here half an hour ago and you’re just making it in here?” one of the guys asks as she and Quinn sit next to each other on the couch. “Ellie, you have to get him to go faster through the greetings next time. I cannot be left alone with Brock for this long.”

She looks at Quinn, confused as to how they already know her name. 

“You know I have to say hi to everyone, I’m captain.”

“As captain, you should be able to do one big greeting and let that be it so you can seclude yourself in a separate room where you don’t have to talk to everyone else,” one of the other guys said.

“Every time you talk, Brock, you add more to the long list of why you would make a horrible captain.”

“I would be a great captain.” 

“Elias, Brock, jeez.” 

“You know you can’t leave us alone for too long.” 

Ellie gets lost in their conversation, not even being able to contribute to what they were saying because their verbal sparring is so fast and so specific to their history with each other, she wouldn’t even know where to begin. Quinn puts his arm around her, pulling her closer to him by her waist. He looks at her while Brock and Elias continue bickering, smiling at her and giving her a soft kiss on her forehead. 

The guys interrupt them, jeering and teasing them to the point where Ellie has her face buried in Quinn’s shoulder, trying to hide from the embarrassment. “So, Ellie, what do you see in El Capitan here?” Brock asks, giving the most obnoxious facial expression possible.

“You do not have to answer that,” Elias tells her. “Brock has no idea how to interact with anyone, just ignore him.”

“That’s not true.” 

“You thought a good pick up line to use on a girl was ‘you dropped something, my jaw,’ the other night and then were shocked when she just turned and walked away,” Elias says, earning a laugh from Ellie and Quinn.

“You have definitely taken a girl out on a date and then talked about yourself the entire time,” Quinn adds, Brock shrinking further into his seat. 

“You look like the kind of guy that would go to a bookstore and pretend to look lost to see if a girl would talk to you,” Ellie adds, sending the guys into a frenzy. 

“He wouldn’t have to pretend to be lost,” Elias says, poking a pouting Brock in the leg. “You should come around more, Ellie.”

“She’s spent too much time with Quinn already,” Brock whines, Quinn pulling her so she’s practically in his lap, kissing her cheek.

“I told you,” he whispers, just loud enough for only her to hear. “I need you to come around more, too.” Ellie turns to him, her cheeks burning before they both burst out laughing. “That sounded horrible.”

The four of them fall into an easy conversation, the three boys doing everything they can to make Ellie feel included, not shying away from teasing her like they were each other earlier. She felt comfortable. 

Ellie eventually excused herself to go to the bathroom and get more drinks for her and Quinn, the alcohol finally hitting her. She barely finds her way back to the room the guys were in, Thatcher’s house seeming much bigger now that she wasn’t sober and much harder to navigate without Quinn taking her around.

She didn’t mean to listen to their conversation, standing on other side of the opening without them seeing her.

“Brock, I swear, if brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t be able to blow your fucking nose,” she hears Elias say, stiffling a laugh as Brock mumbles something about not meaning to spill his drink on Elias.

“Anyway,” Quinn grunts, sounding like he was getting off the floor.

“Ellie is awesome, by the way,” Elias says, Ellie sure she missed some sort of segue that could have led the conversation from Brock to Ellie.

“She’s snarky,” Brock adds, Ellie hearing a smack and Brock letting out a cough. “That’s not a bad thing.” 

“I met her by accident but I cannot think about what it would be like without her now,” she hears Quinn say, Ellie trying to figure out if she actually heard him right. That sounded like he was much more serious about her than she thought he was. 

“Woah, Quinn,” Elias says. “You met her a few months ago.”

“God, I know,” she hears Quinn let out. “But you know how you just know sometimes? You run into this person one day and they just make your life better?”

“You guys made my life worse since I met you,” Brock mutters. “I say goodnight to her every night and I can’t wait until I can say good morning to her the next day.” 

“You’re a simp.”

“Can you blame me? She’s perfect.”

Ellie finally enters the room, trying her best to pretend that she didn’t just hear everything Quinn told his friends, the ones he told her he would trust with anything. It had to mean something that they already knew who she was before coming and that he could tell them those things unprovoked.

Quinn lights up at the sight of her, giving her another kiss and wrapping his arms around her when she sits down. “You took a bit,” he comments. 

“This house is confusing,” she lies.

Elias and Brock continue to bicker while ignoring Ellie and Quinn. Ellie eventually finishes her drink, along with the third one that Brock had managed to hand off to her at some point, sinking down so her head was in Quinn’s lap.

“How often do you think about the future?”

“I mean, I’m normally thinking about what I’m making for my next meal once I finish the one I’m eating.”

Ellie groans, their hands intertwined and in constant movement, suddenly regretting how much they had both had to drink. She looks up at him, a smile on her face despite the look on his that told her he had absolutely no thoughts behind those eyes. “Like, us in the future. Our future.”

“Huh,” Quinn starts, “I don’t know. I like us right now where we are.” 

Ellie nods, trying to hide the disappointment that she felt. Why could he tell Elias and Brock what he thought about her, but not tell her? He hadn’t even called her his girlfriend to her face, yet. Were they even boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Was it too early to even ask, or should she even ask at all?

They were staying over at Thatcher’s house at this point, neither of them in the position to drive, Elias and Brock electing to stay on the couches. Quinn pulls her up and kisses her, a yawn escaping her after he pulls away. “Want to head to bed? Thatch said we can snag one of the guest rooms.”

Ellie nodded, Quinns hand in hers as he lead her down the hallway. She should be nervous, the first night they were spending together completely unplanned and in one of his teammates house instead of somewhere special. 

But it was with Quinn.

She was fine.  

___________________

“When are you going to be ready?” 

“When I am.”

“You’re taking way too long.” 

“I am not taking too long, you got ready too quickly.”

“Kendyl, I took an hour to get ready to meet Quinn and his friends, and you started getting ready before I got here,” Ellie groans, lying down on Kendyl’s bed. The group chat Ellie had with Quinn and the guys was blowing up, asking where Ellie and Kendyl were. After meeting Kendyl a while back, Quinn was convinced she would be the person to set Brock straight. Ellie wasn’t convinced, but what was the harm of introducing them?

“I’m meeting a Canuck, tonight, El, I have to look good.”

Ellie sits up, looking at Kendyl in her mirror. She knew her friend was nervous. No matter what she could say, nothing would change. “I promise you, you could wear nothing more than a trash bag and Brock would be drooling over you.” 

Kendyl took a deep breath. “Are you sure?”

“Ken, you’re beautiful. You’re funny. You can verbally spar with anyone to get what you want at any time. If you decide you want something to happen with Brock, there’s no way he wouldn’t agree to it.”

Kendyl nods, finally getting up and grabbing Ellie’s hand and her coat to drag her out the door. 

“Are we sure we’re going to have fun?” Kendyl asks, the shaking in her voice something Ellie had never heard before.

“You sound like me now.” It was still winter in Vancouver, the below freezing temperatures combined with the warmest bar appropriate outfits they had not enough to actually keep them warm as they walked through the city to meet all of the guys. 

“What are they like? I only know Quinn.”

Ellie has to stop and think for a moment. How did she even begin to describe them? “I think you just have to wait and see. Quinn is nothing like them.” 

“Oh, my god, you hate your boyfriend's friends.”

“No, what?” Ellie asks, unable to hide her laughter. “I really like his friends. I’m getting closer with Elias and Brock is definitely good for a laugh when you need it.” 

Kendyl nods, both of them shivering as they walk. Quinn had such a warm jacket, Ellie thought back to the night the two of them met. She wouldn’t have been able to see herlife with Quinn coming. She thought Kendyl was just an annoying coworker, Quinn would be just a hook up, and that she would end up having to move home because of her mom and Alex. She never thought it would be this. 

They get to the bar after feeling like they were walking forever, Quinn making a beeline to Ellie as soon as they made eye contact. “God, I’m happy you’re here,” he slurs, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Wow, you’re already drunk,” she points out, trying to push him away slightly. Quinn had told her they were going into a break in the season, so getting drunk was necessary. She had seen him a little drunk, more tipsy than anything, but never like this, and never in public. “Let’s get you some water, babe.”

Quinn lets out a giggle, slinging his arm around Ellie while she focuses on him instead of getting Kendyl over to Brock. She looks around the bar for her friend, or at least one of the guys to hopefully help her make sure he doesn’t go much farther than he already was with the alcohol. 

“Ellie, right?” she hears from behind her as she sets Quinn down at the booth in the back where the rest of the guys were seated. She turns around, one of the new guys in the office standing behind her, glass of beer in hand. 

“Uh, yeah, hey. Dylan, right?”

“Declan, actually,” he corrects her, a quick apology escaping her lips. “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt, I just saw Kendyl over by the bar and she mentioned you were here. I wanted to say hi.”

Even though it was darker in the bar, Ellie swears she saw him blushing, fidgeting and acting nervous in front of her. The guys didn’t seem to notice she was even standing there, but Declan seemed to be trying to take in everything about her. 

“Are you here with anyone?” she asks, feeling Quinn pull her into his lap, Ellie falling without an ounce of grace down towards him. “Sorry, this is my boyfriend, Quinn, and some of his friends.”

“Uh, hi,” he says, Ellie feeling Quinns arms wrap tighter around her as Declan talks, “I’m here with my roommate, but I lost him about half an hour ago.” 

“You should join us then,” Quinn says, moving him and Ellie further into the booth to make room for Declan. The tone in his voice told her he really didn’t want to do that. 

Kendyl finally comes back with drinks, Quinn taking the beer that was meant for Ellie and downing it much faster than he should have. Brock was already captivated by Kendyl as soon as she sat down, Elias rolling his eyes as he was making a fool of himself, Kendyl finding it weirdly endearing.

“So, Deacon,” Quinn starts, much louder than he should have been. “How do you know my girlfriend?”

“Uh,” Declan says, as caught off guard by Quinn’s sudden shift in mood as Ellie is, “I work with her. Just started about a month ago.”

Quinn nods. “What did you do before this?”

“I was a nurse in the ICU at Vancouver General.” 

“Couldn’t handle it, Derek?” 

“Quinn, what?” Ellie scoffs. 

Declan coughs, clearly getting uncomfortable fast. “It was a lot, so no. I liked helping people, but seeing traumatic thing after traumatic thing takes a toll on you really fast. So I went back to school and ended up with Ellie and Kendyl.” 

“Ah, a college degree.” 

“Quinn,” Ellie hissed. She didn’t like where this was going, Quinn holding on to Ellie like he was marking his territory. 

“I actually don’t have my degree, yet.”

“Interesting thing to brag about?” Declan says, nervously sipping on his beer. 

“Well, it’s hard to finish when you get called up to play with the Canucks, you know?”

Declan shrugs. “Is that the CFL team? I don’t follow sports.”

Ellie gets off Quinns lap, pushing Declan aside and dragging Quinn along with her. She didn’t need to hear what Quinn was going to say next. He was starting to act like a jackass and she didn’t want to see more. 

The two of them end up outside, the cold hitting Ellie like a slap in face. “What is wrong with you? He wasn’t doing anything for you to act like that to him.”

“I don’t like him,” Quinn pouts.

“You just met him.”

“I don’t like people who are trying to take my girl.”

Ellie can’t help but scoff. “‘Take your girl?’ What, am I your property? Did you get a good dowry? How many sheep did you have to give my family in exchange for your hand?”

Quinn rolls his eyes. “Come on, Ellie.”

“No, Quinn, you come on. He wasn’t hitting on me. He doesn’t even know me to like me.”

“Of course he likes you, Ellie, look at you.” Quinn takes a step closer to her, suddenly getting softer towards her. “You’re so pretty. You’re so smart. You know what to do with everything.” 

“If he likes me, that doesn’t matter,” Ellie snaps, still annoyed with him. “I don’t like him. I like you. I’m dating you. That should be enough for you to not act like an asshole towards him.”

Quinn hangs his head. “I’m sorry.” 

“You should be saying that to him.”

The two of them stand there in the cold in silence, Ellie not wanting to budge and Quinn wanting her to go with him. “Come with me?”

Ellie bites her lip, her mood ruined because of him in just a short amount of time. “I think I’m going to go home. I’m tired, anyway.”

“Let me walk you?” Just like the night they met.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

They stand there for another moment, Quinn making the first move to pull Ellie in for a kiss. “I love you, Ellie.”

Ellie hadn’t been thinking about love with him yet. She wasn’t there yet. “Goodnight, Quinn,” she told him, turning and walking away, leaving him there on the sidewalk.

___________________

“Have you ever loved anyone?” 

“Uh, you.”

“Not that kind of love, idiot.”

“Oh, um. I was in love with Tess Virtue for a while there.”

“While I get that, I still don’t mean that kind of love, Alex.” 

Alex laughs on the other end of the call, Ellie getting ready for work while he got ready for class. “El, you’re the older sister here, aren’t I supposed to be asking you this?”

Ellie and Quinn were in a weird place since Ellie left that night. She had hoped that Quinn was too drunk to remember that he had told her loved her and Ellie’s response was just to walk away. She didn’t know if she was in love with him. She knew she wanted to be with him. She didn’t know if she loved him.

“I mean,” Ellie starts, not sure where to go. 

“Are you and Quinn ok?” Ellie tells her brother everything that happened, Alex staying silent for a few seconds after she finished. “Ellie, you did this last time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Not to go psychology major on you,” Alex says, earning a groan from his sister, “But I think you’re more messed up from Dad leaving than you like to admit you are. You have what sounds like a solid relationship with this guy but you’re afraid that if you let him love you and you let yourself love him, that he’s going to leave just like Dad did. He left us with Mom and we never got that love back.” 

Ellie takes a deep breath. “Jesus. At least I know your degree is worth it.” 

“I could be wrong. I’m only six semesters into this degree, after all.”

“I hate you.” 

“I love you, too, El.” 

Everything goes back to her parents. There’s no reason she couldn’t love Quinn. 

She was in a daze on her commute to the office. Does she love him? Regardless of Alex’s psychoanalysis, even if their dad leaving them with their mom made her think anyone who would love her would leave, is she able to love him?

She wanted to be with him, but she didn’t know what it was like to love him.

“You look horrible,” Kendyl says, Declan trying not to make eye contact with her at their little desk clump, probably trying to not agree. 

“Thank you, for that,” Ellie huffs, dropping her bag on the floor before she falls into her chair. “I just had a weird morning. Don’t really want to talk about it.” 

The morning passes by in a blur, the menial tasks of her job at least giving Ellie something to take her mind off Quinn. Anytime her mind would start to wander, anytime she thought about him in any way, she would just switch back to work mode and force herself to do whatever it is she needed to do.

“Hey,” Ellie thinks she hears from behind her, someone sounding just like Quinn. She ignored it, figuring it was just her imagination and her officially losing her mind over what was going on in her relationship. “Babe?”

Ellie jumps, thoroughly surprised that Quinn was actually standing behind her. “I thought you were leaving for Florida today.”

Quinn pulls her up, kissing her hello, a soft look on his face that told Ellie that everything was ok. “We leave in a few hours, so I wanted to come by and surprise you. Do you have a minute?”

Ellie nods, following Quinn down to the lobby of the building. She knew that if she went somewhere in the office, Kendyl would probably have her ear glued to the other side of the wall of whatever room they were in to try to listen to their conversation. 

“So, you don’t love me,” Quinn lets out slowly, pausing a little between each word, breaking Ellie’s heart each time.

“God,” she lets out.

“It’s ok.” They stand in silence, what they had with each other when they first met already somehow dying off between them. “I’m ok.”

“I want to love you. You know I have other things going on that are messing with my mind. You know me.” 

Quinn rolls his eyes, Ellie taking a step back. “What, the stuff with your mom?” Ellie gives him a small nod. “You can’t keep using that as an excuse, Ellie,” he snaps.

Ellie recoils at his words, the person in front of her not the same one who told her would always be there for her when she needed him, that he would help if she would let him and that he wanted to be there, for her and with her, for everything. This was someone who wouldn’t do any of that. “It’s not an excuse. It’s my life, Quinn. You grew up never having to worry about coming home from school and learning that the lights were turned off, or getting scared that the heat would get cut off in the middle of the winter, or that you were two days away from living in a car,” she nearly yells at him, catching him off guard. “I’m sorry that it messed me up and I’m trying to fix it and at least be honest with you about it because I want to be with you.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, you idiot. I want to be with you. But I don’t know what it’s like to be loved by someone who stays. I don’t know what it’s like to love someone who wants to stay. I think I love you, but I don’t think that my work is the place to figure it out.” 

Quinn smiles at her, hugging her and holding her tight, every part of her relaxing as he does so. “That’s all I need. That’s all I want.” 

___________________

“Ok, if we have to stay all night, then we’re ordering food.” 

“I never agreed to staying all night.” 

“Ellie, we have to get this done before we go home.”

“Yeah, but I have plans tonight. I’m not staying all night, extra pay or not.”

Declan groans, a stupid smile on his face. “Are you driving to these plans tonight?”

Ellie gets a bad feeling in her stomach, one that puts a smile on her face regardless. This project had forced them together much more often than Quinn probably would have liked if he found out. The client was demanding it be done three weeks faster than anticipated,which meant they had to get it done before Monday. “Nope. Why?” Declan gets up from the table the two of them and Kendyl are sitting at in the conference room to give them more space to spread out, running over to his desk and yanking one of the drawers open. “Dex, what are you doing?” Ellie calls.

The three of them had already been in the office much longer than everyone else, the rest of their colleagues having left early for the weekend while the three of them stayed behind.

Ellie had plans with Quinn that night for the first time in a while.

“Getting this,” Declan says, pulling her out of the spiraling thoughts she was having about her relationship.

He holds up three plastic red cups and a bottle of rum, the one alcohol that Ellie could stomach without any mixer, a sociopathic tendency as Kendyl would call it. “Why is that there?” Kendyl asks.

Declan shrugs, popping open the bottle with ease and pouring way more than a single shot into each of the cups. “One of the clients gave it to me as a thank you.”

“We never get alcohol as a thank you,” Ellie scoffs, Kendyl agreeing.

“Men,” Kendyl rolls her eyes.

Declan laughs, raising his cup to Ellie and clinking it against hers, downing it in a few seconds as he watches Ellie do the same. Both of them cough, the liquid burning down their throats much more than they were expecting, neither of them breaking eye contact with each other while forgetting Kendyl was there with them. “Alright, we work until we’re done. We refill when we need to.”

Ellie smiles at him, the warmth of the alcohol already coursing through her. Her phone starts buzzing, a call coming in from someone whose contact she can’t quite make out. “No phones.”

The three of them get to work, the sun setting without them realizing it as their phones keep buzzing over and over again. They weren’t even entirely sure what the project was that their boss was asking of them, but then again, when were they ever?

They had to have been working for at least two hours straight without moving, feeling like they hadn’t even made a dent in the amount of tasks they had for the project. “I need to go home,” Kendyl groans, rubbing her hands over her face.

“We need to finish this,” Ellie points out.

“We need more alcohol.” Declan gets up, already somehow emptying the bottle into their three cups. He winks at Ellie, yet again ignoring Kendyl and sending a chill down Ellie’s spine before heading back out of the conference room without another word. 

Kendyl squeals once he’s out of earshot, shaking Ellie’s arm. “Oh, my god, he is so obsessed with you.”

“He is not,” Ellie insists, the heat running to her cheeks at the thought of her coworker liking her. She’s dating Quinn. Dating a coworker is out of the question. Dating Delcan isn’t even a thought.

“Ellie, I’m not even here when he’s around. You two are flirting so much.”

“I’m not sure you know what flirting is.”

“What about Quinn?”

Ellie’s stomach churned at his name. “Quinn and I are fine,” she tells Kendyl, trying to ignore how high her voice got involuntarily. 

“El.”

“Ken.”

“You’re lying to me.” Ellie bites her lip, hating that Kendyl knew her well enough to tell. “What’s going on with you two? You were off last time I saw you together.”

Ellie sees Declan out of the corner of her eye shifting around the desks outside the conference room. “I have no idea.” Kendyl stays silent, Ellie feeling like she has to fill the space. “We see each other less and less now, part of it because of both our jobs right now.”

“Well, that makes sense, that happens.”

“But when we do spend time together, we don’t say anything. We barely talk anymore at all. It’s like we ran out of things to say.”

“Who has nothing to say?” Declan interrupts, plopping down in his chair with another bottle of rum.

“Ellie and Quinn. Why do you have another bottle?” Kendyl asks.

“I have many bottles. Who’s Quinn?” 

“Ellie’s boyfriend.” 

Declan just nods, giving Ellie an uneasy feeling as they both take a sip of their drinks again, the eye contact between them mixed with the alcohol making her mind spin. “We’re just going through a weird phase right now. We’ll get through it.”

Kendyl recaps what Ellie told her, unprompted, to Declan, who infuriatingly just sits there, the alcohol making him look way too attractive for Ellie’s liking. “You don’t want my opinion, do you?” he asks.

“Kendyl gives me hers all the time when I don’t want it, you might as well give yours.”

“You’re both busy. That happens.”

“See?” Ellie prods Kendyl. 

“But,” Declan starts again, Kendyl sticking her tongue out at Ellie like a child, “Being busy could also mean not being willing to make time for each other.” 

Ellie took in a deep breath, hating what he was saying. It wasn’t like he said that much, but he said enough. The room suddenly felt too small, the work too overwhelming, the alcohol hitting her all at once. “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” she says, practically running out of the room. 

Are she and Quinn not making enough time for each other? Are they just ending their relationship without saying that it’s over? She didn’t think she wanted to break up with him, but at this point, what was staying with him doing for her? 

Ellie looks at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol distorting her perception of herself or if it was the mirror that probably hadn’t been cleaned in a while, but she didn’t look like herself. She looked off. She had felt off for a while, but she had no idea why. 

Was it because of Quinn? Ellie had heard that to be loved was to be changed, but what happens when you don’t like how you’ve changed? How much should she fight to get things back to the way there were when they first started seeing each other? What has to happen for her to just give up instead?

“Hey, sorry,” Declan startles Ellie, causing her to lose her balance and stumble against the sink. “I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“No, uh,” Ellie starts, wiping a tear from her cheek she didn’t even know had fallen, “You didn’t upset me.”

“Can I ask you something?” Declan’s voice is gentle as he takes a step closer to you, waiting for her to nod. “If you aren’t happy, why are you still with him?”

Ellie shrugs, not wanting to look at him. If she looks, she’ll fall apart. “I love him. I do. He knows me better than anyone. I’ve told him things I haven’t told anyone outside of my family, not even Kendyl. But sometimes,” she takes in a breath, her voice shaking. “Sometimes I wonder if it was all for nothing. We have no time for each other anymore. I see Kendyl more than I see him.”

“Ellie,” he says, his voice low as he steps closer to her. She was sure he could hear her heart racing. 

She was dating Quinn.

Quinn.

“Oh, fuck,” Ellie practically yells. “What time is it?”

“Uh, 8:30.”

“Quinn was picking me up at 8:15.” Ellie runs from the bathroom, leaving Declan calling after her. She grabs her stuff from the conference room without saying a word to Kendyl. 

She hears Declan in the background, calling after her as she runs down the stairs, dropping things in the stairwell that she doesn’t bother to pick up. She was rattled, Quinn already waiting for what had now become twenty minutes without her so much as texting him back the entire time.

Declan catches up to her, everything she’s dropped in his hands when she bursts through the front door of the building, Quinn’s car at the curb with him leaning against it scrolling on his phone. He looks up, his eyes going between his disheveled girlfriend and the one guy that she talked to that he was worried about, equally out of breath and carrying her things, both of them looking panicked.

He could tell Ellie was drunk. He knew she was drinking with him.

“What is this, Ellie?” he asks, trying to keep a calm tone in his voice as best as he can.

Ellie starts stammering, the alcohol not helping her at all. “We were doing that project I told you about, we lost track of time. I know I’m late but I wasn’t looking at my phone so we could finish as fast as possible.”

Quinn takes in a deep breath, looking up to the sky so he didn’t have to see her reaction to what he was about to say. “Ellie, I know he likes you. I told you likes you the night I met him. And, I know you like him, even if you don’t realize it yet. What am I doing here?”

Ellie steps toward him, her legs starting to shake as she tried to process what he was saying. “Quinn, you’re taking me out. You said we were meeting the guys tonight.”

“No, Ellie. I am. You’re gonna stay here.You’re gonna finish the project. You’re going to spend the night with Declan. You should be with someone who has time for you.”

“Quinn.” 

“We’ve both been busy. We’ve both had way too many things going on to focus on each other. We deserve better. You deserve better.”

“Quinn,” she repeats, standing right in front of him. She reaches up to his cheek, him leaning into her touch as he finally looks at her. “What are you saying?”

“You know, Ellie.” 

They stand there, forgetting Declan behind them and ignoring the world around them. Quinn cups her cheeks, kissing her like he did the very first time. “Bye, Eleanor.”

“Bye, Quinn,” Ellie whispers, not wanting to let go. 

Everything happened so fast. Ellie stood on the curb, wanting to drop her things right on the sidewalk and chase after him as he got in his car and drove away. She didn’t move as Declan came up behind her, gently putting his arm around her to try to comfort her. She didn’t hear him say that he wanted to get her back inside so that Kendyl could be with her, so that she’d have someone she trusted to talk to after what just happened.

She just stood there. 

___________________

Quinn was miserable. The guys were all with their partners, while Quinn sat in the middle with no one by his side. All he had was the beer in front of him that he didn’t even want to drink. 

He should be happy. They were already having a great season. They had already secured a playoff spot. The team was playing to have fun and winning was coming because of it. 

Brock comes up to him with Kendyl, the two of them still going strong. Quinn liked Kendyl, but seeing her still reminded him of Ellie, even if the two of them didn’t work together anymore. 

“Come on, buck up. There are plenty of girls here that you could at least talk to,” Brock tries to encourage him.

Quinn just shrugs him off, slowly turning the glass of beer around on the table. He wasn’t in the mood to be there, but there was no way the guys would let him leave this early. 

Brock leaves to get another round of drinks, Kendyl staying behind. “She’s doing ok, you know,” she says, barely above a whisper. 

Quinn sighs. “I miss her.” 

Kendyl puts her hand on his shoulder, giving him a sympathetic smile. “I know.”

They sit for a moment, both of them unsure what to say next. What do you say to someone who was still broken over something that should have never shattered in the first place?

“Hey, isn’t that that Dexter guy you work with?” Elias comes over and asks, pointing to the other side of the bar. 

Quinn feels the air escape his lungs, Ellie and Declan together, Declan holding on to her as a guy moved past them, pressing their bodies against each other. She didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity to drape her arms on his shoulders, getting up on her toes to kiss him, their foreheads pressed together when they pull away while they looked at each other like they were the only people in the world. 

“She’s happy,” Kendyl says. 

“She’s happier,” Quinn corrects her, his heart breaking at the fact that he couldn’t do that for her. 

[thewidowsghost]

Happy Holidays (Kate Bishop x Romanoff!Reader) - Epilogue

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. I've been occupied with all of my classes in college, but I figured I'd try to get some things updated as quick as I could for you guys.

I hope you enjoy the last chapter of this story.

Also, please send in requests so I can get a lot better about keeping up with stories and fics :)

Thank you guys!

(Y/n) staggers towards Fisk and Kate, pain radiating all throughout her body.

"Please, not her," (Y/n) rasps, putting herself between Kate and Fisk.

"Kill the little Widow," Fisk says thoughtfully. "Sounds good to me."

And he strikes.

"Get the fuck away from my kid!" Natasha shoots at the arrows with her handgun.

(Y/n) grunts in pain as Kate pulls her down, covering (Y/n)'s head with her arms.

The arrows all activate at once, and all the reactions create a small explosion, knocking Fisk into the farthest wall.

Kate pulls (Y/n) more into herself, turning to protect (Y/n)'s already battered body from the explosion.

. . .

(Y/n) lies limply in her mother's arms – yes Natasha's muscles had softened in her retirement, but she could still support the weight of her daughter.

"Is this what heroes do?" Eleanor asks as an officer pushes her head down to get her into the police car. "Arrest their mothers on Christmas?"

"I'm sorry," Kate says through gritted teeth. "I love you, mom."

The police car drives away, and Kate turns to where Natasha is carrying (Y/n) towards an ambulance.

Kate glances at Clint. "C'mon," Clint says. Yelena remains behind, and Clint turns to her. "You too, kid."

. . .

Kate leans against the doorframe of (Y/n)'s hospital room. She both didn't want to interrupt, but also wanted to be at (Y/n)'s side.

"You don't have to stand in the doorway, Bishop," Natasha says softly from (Y/n)'s bedside, not wanting to wake her daughter.

Kate pads softly into the room, sinking into one of the chairs and taking one of (Y/n)'s hands and playing with her girlfriend's fingers.

"It's nice to meet you," Natasha says, looking over at the young archer.

"You as well, Miss Romanoff," Kate pulls her eyes off (Y/n)'s face.

"Please, Natasha," Natasha replies. Kate doesn't reply, her gaze falling back down to (Y/n)'s face. "She'll be alright," Natasha reassures the young archer. "It's just a sprained ankle and bruising around her neck."

"I–" Kate's voice falters. "She's here because of me."

Natasha snorts. "Yeah, don't think that's right, kid," she says.

"But like -" Kate says.

"Shut up, Bishop," (Y/n) rasps, her throat sore from bruising. "Mama?" her gaze falls onto her mother, sitting beside Kate. "Так приятно тебя видеть!" It's so good to see you! (Y/n) says. "Мне жаль, что я заставил тебя выйти из пенсии" I'm sorry for making you come out of retirement.

"Don't worry about that, honey," Natasha tells her daughter. "It was time for me to come out of the shadows."

"You deserve quiet," (Y/n) rasps.

"You too, kiddo," Natasha replies, studying her daughter's face.

(Y/n) lets her gaze fall on Kate once more, studying the scratches and bruising on her face and neck.

Natasha pats her daughter's hand before she gets up, leaving Kate and (Y/n) alone.

"Hi," Kate whispers, studying (Y/n)'s face.

"Hi," (Y/n) rasps.

"I'm sorry," Kate wails softly, keeping her eyes on (Y/n)'s cut face.

"I'm just glad you're safe, Katie," (Y/n) murmurs, reaching over to take Kate's hand.

"But you're hurt," Kate protests.

"But I'm alive, and you're safe," (Y/n) replies, looking into Kate's shattered blue gaze. "What happened with your Mom?" (Y/n) asks, and Kate seems to deflate even more.

"Um, I reported her to the police," Kate mutters, playing with (Y/n)'s fingers again.

"I'm sorry, Kate," (Y/n) replies, her expression softening even more. "You could come home with me," (Y/n) says. "I already know that my mom approves of you."

Kate looks utterly surprised, but she nods. "Okay," she murmurs.

. . .

Clint, Natasha, Yelena, Kate, and (Y/n) get out of Barton's car, letting Bolt, Fanny, and Lucky out of their places at (Y/n)'s, Kate's, and Yelena's feet.

Bolt's tongue lolls out of his mouse, bouncing excitedly in place at the familiar sight of his home.

"Boltie, you excited to be home?" (Y/n) kneels down and scratches behind the dog's ears.

"His paws are probably cold," Yelena says, studying her 'new' niece.

"Pfft," (Y/n) grins at her dog. "Could never be that, huh?" she asks, her voice raising an octave.

"Yelena's right," Natasha says out of the corner of her mouth. "My paws are freezing."

(Y/n) breathes out a laugh, moving over to help Clint grabs a few duffle bags and bags of gifts.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Kate asks, grabbing one of (Y/n)'s bags, and Lucky's leash.

"Oh, I'm telling you, they're very excited to meet you," Clint replies, glancing mischievously at (Y/n), and then at Kate.

"Daddy!" Nathaniel shrieks. "(Y/n)!"

"Hey, there he is!" Clint says, kneeling down to hug his son. "Hey, buddy, Merry Christmas."

"You made it," Lila appears in the doorway. "You kept your promise."

"Here, take something," Clint says, handing both Nate and Lila a bag and some gifts.

"What's your names?" Nate asks, looking between Kate and Yelena.

"This is Kate," Clint gestures at Kate, who was looking down at Nate and Lila over (Y/n)'s shoulder.

"And this is my sister, Yelena," Natasha ruffles her sister's hair with a free hand.

"Come on in, let's go," Clint herds his children into the house, gesturing for the others to follow.

Laura hugs her husband as he enters the kitchen of their home.

"I missed you," Clint murmurs.

"I missed you too," Laura replies.

"Ah! The dogs are so cute!" Nate exclaims as Kate stumbles in the doorway. "What are their names?"

"That's Lucky," Nate and Lila crowd around the golden retriever.

Cooper looks at Fanny, and then up at Yelena. "That's Fanny. She, uh, likes being scratched behind the ears."

Cooper, taking that as permission, scratches behind Fanny's ears.

"Right, yeah," Clint gestures to Kate and then Yelena. "Brought home a couple of strays."

Kate turns around from where she'd closed the door.

"Hi," Kate says shyly.

"This is Kate," Clint says.

"Welcome, Kate. So good to have you," Laura says.

Kate flushes, moving to stand at (Y/n)'s side.

Laura chuckles, moving over to hug the young raven-haired woman.

"And this is my sister, Yelena," Natasha rests a hand on her sister's shoulder.

Yelena smiles shyly. "Uh, hello." And Laura smiles widely at the blonde woman.

. . .

"No way! I've always wanted one of these!" Nate exclaims as (Y/n) sits down, handing Kate a mug of hot chocolate.

Kate smiles slightly, pressing a quick kiss to (Y/n)'s cheek.

Yelena sits next to Natasha at the dining table with Clint and Laura, just watching the kids and (Y/n).

"Kate. Hey, will you help me with somethin' real quick?" Clint asks, and she looks over.

"Yeah, sure," Kate replies after exchanging a look with (Y/n).

. . .

Kate returns to the Barton's living room a few minutes later, trying to hide a grin, but failing miserably.

"What's got you so smiley?" (Y/n) leans backwards, against Kate's legs once she'd settled down on the couch again.

"Oh, nothing," Kate replies. "I'll tell you later." (Y/n) chuckles.

"Maybe you'll feel better after you open my Christmas present?" (Y/n)'s eyes twinkle.

"What?" Kate asks.

"Here," (Y/n) reaches over, pulling a gift over by the purple ribbon she'd tied around the gift in black paper.

"What is this?" Kate asks.

"Open it and you'll find out," (Y/n) replies, and Kate rolls her eyes fondly.

Kate carefully unties the bow and drapes it across (Y/n)'s shoulders like a scarf.

(Y/n) lets out a 'pfft' sound, and Natasha watches her daughter and Kate fondly from the dining table.

(Y/n) rests her head on the side of the couch as Kate carefully pulls the black paper off the small box.

"What in the world?" Kate looks confusedly at the contents of the box. "A key? To what?"

(Y/n) blinks, looking amused. "It's a spare key. To my apartment. Because I figured you didn't really have anywhere to stay," her tone shifts to one of concern.

Kate blinks, but then her expression softens. "Thank you," she says.

"And I think Lucky and Bolt are too attached to separate," (Y/n) comments, looking over at the dogs cuddled together on the floor below the Christmas tree.

"I feel like you're also talking about two others," Kate says, winking at (Y/n).

"You could say that," (Y/n) replies.

The End!

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Eyes and Ears

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: An AU where Barbara finds Jason instead of Bruce.

Chapters: 44/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Sheila Haywood, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character(s), Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Older SIbling Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd-centric, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Jason Todd is NOT Robin, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has a Crush, Adopted Siblings

Chapter Forty-Four: New Roads

After Jim gave Jason the keys to his car, Jason drove to Reese’s house to surprise him. AJ was the only one at home with Eleanor, which felt strange. “AJ, where is everyone?” Jason asked. AJ’s face was drained of all color. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come to see you,” AJ whispered, “I’m going through some—. Can you keep a secret from Reese… and everyone?” Jason furrowed his brows as he nodded. 

“Before you tell me, are you in any kind of trouble with the—?”

“No, it’s not legal trouble. I’m—. I got Mason—.A few weeks before you went to Greece, Mason came over to swim and she threw up on the deck… And I—. She never gets sick, so I—. She’s late,” AJ confessed.

 Jason’s eyes widened, and he plopped down on the porch beside AJ. “What does she wanna do? How late is she?” Jason questioned. 

“She wants to keep it, which means we’re gonna have to tell our parents we—. God, Jason. I feel like such an idiot. How could I mess something like this up? I feel like I’m ruining her life,” AJ frowned. 

“Well, I don’t have a lot going on… So at least you guys know you have free childcare,” Jason whispered. 

AJ chuckled. “Jase, I’m sorry. I’m whining about something like this, and you—. How are you?” AJ asked. 

“Everyone’s worried sick… And I just want to get my answers and move on,” Jason replied, “You know what the weirdest part of it is? I wish she would’ve kept me for a little bit longer. I’m getting answers in bits and pieces and the more I find out, the less I know… I know it sounds messed up, but I’m glad you told me about your problems. It makes me feel better.”

“Well, you’ll never forget your sixteenth birthday,” AJ teased. Jason laughed and nodded. “Oh, and—. Hey, are you and Reese—? It’s not any of my business, but he’s been over there a lot lately...”

“I wanted to—. No. I thought I wanted to when I got back because I figured it would take my mind off of how—. I wanna wait a while. Figure out some stuff,” Jason replied, “Is Mason on her way here?” 

“Mason’s in the house… You can go in and see her,” AJ replied, “And can you take Ellie? I need a minute before I head back in there.”

“You good?” Jason asked. 

AJ smiled and nodded. “It felt good to talk to you about it. I wish you could be here when I tell my dad,” AJ replied. 

“Call me and let me know when,” Jason smiled as he took Eleanor inside. “Mason? Where are you?” 

“Jason, what are you—? I thought you were at home,” Mason smiled as she came down the hall. “You look good.” 

“So do you,” Jason smiled, “AJ told me about your situation,” Jason replied. Mason laughed before bursting into tears, causing Eleanor to cry as a result. “Sorry, girls. I just—. Mason, you know I’m gonna support you no matter what. You’re one of my best friends. Also, I’m homeschooled, so I’ll be able to watch the baby while you’re at school.”

“It’s so weird, Jason. Also, I can’t stop eating stuffed crepes and kimchi. It’ll change your life by the way,” Mason sniffed. 

Jason set Eleanor down in the bassinet on her stomach before hugging Mason. “You’re gonna be a good mom,” Jason whispered. 

Jason’s phone rang. “Hey, Barbie,” Jason answered as he hugged Mason and waved. 

“I want you to swing by and pick up your chaperone tonight at nine. I told Daddy you’d be at my place for a few days,” Barbara replied. 

Jason nodded. “But I won’t be, right? Is that what you’re saying?” Jason asked. 

“Mhm. Come by here and pick up your bag. I packed everything you’d need—.”

“I have my stuff in the car already—.”

“You have new stuff now. I think you’ll like it,” Barbara replied, “And I wanna say goodbye in person. I won’t be seeing you for a few days.” 

Jason stepped outside and hugged AJ. “Okay, Barbara… I’m on my way right now. Love you, bye.”

“Love you,” Barbara replied before hanging up. 

“Gotta go?” AJ asked. Jason nodded. 

“I’ve got a therapy camping thing… They say it’ll help me… Decompress. So, if you see Reese, can you tell him I’ll be back soon? And tell him I love him,” Jason whispered. 

AJ chuckled. “You sound like you’re going to war… But yeah. I’ll tell him,” AJ answered. Jason waved once more as he got in his car and drove away. 

**

Barbara snap buckled his backpack around his chest for good measure. Jason moved to unbuckle it and she shook her head. “So, which one of Charlie’s Angels are you sending with me? Kelly? Jill? Sabrina? Kris? ” Jason teased. Barbara smiled. 

“Think Kelly, but blonde,” Barbara replied. 

“Guess that makes me Bosley,” Jason joked. 

“Nope... Julie,” Barbara corrected him.

“Who?” Jason questioned.

“We haven’t gotten to that season yet,” Barbara smiled. She held Jason’s hand. “I’m not going with you.” 

“I know,” Jason answered, “I’ll be careful… And thanks.” 

Barbara pulled him into a hug. “Don’t thank me… Just come home in one piece. Okay?” Barbara replied. Jason nodded. 

“We still on code names? Or—?”

“You can use real names if you want. I trust them,” Barbara replied, “And they know me. I just wanted to maintain your privacy if that’s what you wanted.” 

Jason kissed her cheek. “See you soon,” Jason whispered as he headed out. 

**

Jason knocked on her door wearing his regular clothes. A brunette wearing a navy cropped jacket and matching sweatpants answered the door. Jason cocked his head. “Barbara told me you’d be blonde,” Jason replied. 

“I usually am… But not for this mission. I’m Dinah… A friend of Barbara’s,” she introduced herself. 

Jason shook her hand. “Jason,” he replied, “Did she explain the situation to you?” 

“She gave me a location and a picture. That’s it. What’s all this about anyway?” Dinah asked. 

“Let’s head out. I’ll explain on the way,” Jason answered. His stomach ached, and he wanted to call it off. But Dinah was there. Jason drove to the airport with her, and they stood together while Dinah flashed their fake passports and tickets. Barbara set up their cover as a brother and sister going to visit their mother in Thailand. Andrea and Eddie Erikson . Fake names for a fake family. 

It’d be over twenty hours before they arrived. And the thought of spending that kind of time on a plane with a stranger overwhelmed Jason completely. He turned away, trying not to panic as he looked out the window, but it all rushed to the surface. Every moment. He remembered waking up on the plane ride home. The way the authorities looked at him when they arrived. His throat caught. “Hey, are you feeling sick?” Dinah asked. She reached over and felt his forehead. “It’s something else, isn’t it?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Jason replied. 

Dinah shrugged. “Okay, but you’ve gotta tell me something. Are you in danger?” Dinah asked. 

“No… I wish that was my problem,” Jason whispered. He was half out of breath, half out of his mind with fear. Dinah squinted at him. “I’ll explain when I have to… Not a second sooner.”

[takem46]

I finally finished putting my ocs into @itsnotmourn ’s warriors au! YIPPEE!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Lore :3c

Mothclaw (Mara)

A brown tabby she-cat with amber eyes and scruffy fur.

A troublesome warrior, Mothclaw is never one to back down from a fight. That attitude is exactly what earned her her scar and amputated tail. Nobody quite knows where she came from, or if she’s always been there.

MOTH: For her brown fur CLAW: For her fighting skills

Dovepaw (Gwen)

A young she-cat with big, blue eyes, whose white fur has gray colorpoints.

Dovepaw was born to Briarlily (Eleanor), a former healer from a distant clan. Currently, she’s a healer apprentice under Mottlevine, an arrangement her mom is less than fond of. Shy and skittish, whenever she’s not fulfilling her apprentice duties, she can be found somewhere quiet.

DOVE: For her white fur. Also represents the hope her mother felt when she had her, though her hopes for her daughter have long since faded PAW: For her rank as an apprentice

Flamedancer (Bonnie)

A tortoiseshell she-cat with golden eyes. Her well-groomed, curly fur has distinctive orange markings.

An elegant warrior with a fiery personality, Flamedancer is a natural born performer. Despite her quick temper, she loves to put on shows and tell stories to any cat who will listen. She dreams of her skill one day being recognized.

FLAME: For her flame-like markings and fiery personality DANCER: For her talent as a performer and the way she dances around her foes in battle (also a reference to her job as an actor)

[lotusishere]

Unraveled spoilers!!!!

I think whatever Keefe did in the human world should stay in the human world. That entire plot line was for him. It wasn’t for Sophie, or Fitz, or his mom, and or Alvar. It was suppose to be a self discovery mission for him to figure out himself, his feelings and what he wants and can do.

Obviously he bumped him Alvar and that could be a major issue. (And I hope Alvar doesn’t pull any shenanigans in the 10th book and he stays in the human world eating pancakes where he belongs.) But even if it is outed he was “hanging” with Alvar. That originally wasn’t the plan and I hope Fitz doesn’t make it seem like Keefe ran away to be besties with Alvar, because that’s not what happened. Keefe was trying to find a way to manage his own powers and looking for evidence on Eleanor and her father. That was the whole point of him being gone (along with wanting to protect people from his new power just in case his mom was going to use him).

Alvar being there was a coincidence. Alvar was deadass just chilling in the human world and I’m (I hope) think he wasn’t lying about his ability being in and out. I also don’t think he was lying about wanting to ditch Keefe if he had known about the tracker. I genuinely think this man just wants to eat his pancakes and have sheet masks on his face. (Which him clown me in the 10th book and have people believe it was a trap a long. I would be so pissed. Not for just myself but for Keefe.) 

And Keefe does get better with his ability. He learns more about it and sees how it works. He was able to manage himself being around other people and figuring out how to calm himself from being overwhelmed. He learned how to talk again without being scared he was going to accidentally do anything. 9.5 was a beautiful book to reveal his progress by himself. Yes Alvar was there but they deadass didn’t do anything crazy except get room service, go to Australia, get frustrated with time zones, and talk. That’s literally it. I don’t think it would benefit ANYONE to have them know he was with Alvar. It wouldn’t do anything.

The only thing I can POSSIBLY see as a problem is if Alvar is in fact lying. Then he would go to Gisela and tell her what he learned. But even then- it wouldn’t do much. Keefe is working with Grady now. He’s already gotten a handles or sense of his power. And the way boom 9 ended on a cliff hanger. I doubt that Elysian (whoever she is) is gonna care about Keefe. She’s probably pissed the fuck off that these grown ass adults are fighting children like it’s a Black Friday sale in the 2011’s era.

[rdng1230]

10 people I'd like to get to know more

tagged by @desert--moonchild @gaybonesforivy

Last song: Not sure if it was the last song I listened to but I remember listening to These Days by Nico recently

Favorite Color: Green, Purple, and Black

Last Book: There always seems to be be a never ending supply of fic to read so I read a toooon of that. The last actual book I finished was probably two summers ago with RWRB, But I have a couple books in the rotation. The Once and Future Sex - Dr. Eleanor Janega (book about medieval gender roles) Charlotte Illes is not a detective - Katie Siegel, and Angelmaker by Nick Harkaway.

Last Movie: Foul Play (1978) It's a family favorite and my fiancée (boy do I love saying that) had only seen bits and pieces of it so we watched it with my mom. It was really nice.

Last TV Show: MASH (or the good place because pretty girl had it playing when she was sleeping and I was sort of listening)

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Sweet and savory

Relationship Status: ENGAGED HOLY SHIT to the most wonderful woman in the world 🥰🥹

Last Thing Googled: Where that cool warehouse-y thrift store in Amsterdam moved to so we can go treasure hunting today.

Looking Forward To: Seeing my best friends tomorrow, one of whom I haven't seen since MAY OF 2023 WTF?!?! (and in the longer term MY WEDDING)

Current Obsession(s): saltommy and bucktommy are eternally holding hands in my affections. I'm also looking forward to going back into my severance brain rot but the eagle has not yet landed. Also wedding planning has been super fun so far because we're chill sapphics who want a guest list of no more than 30 people and German wedding venues are cheap AF.

NP tagging: @littlepaws9 @jamieroyjamieroy @typicalopposite @30somethingautisticteacher @loucifersbitch

@aplaceinme @loulou-land @livelaughlou @firehose118 @epiphainie

apologies if people have been tagged already!

[noturlondonboy]

No More Excuses//Katelena

Chapter 5: Prison Sentence for Two(2)

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Yelena Belova

Chapter Summary: Kate visits her mother in prison.

A/N: Eleanor really stresses me out man

Chapter warnings: medication, Eleanor, prison, missing person's poster, depression

Kate spends the rest of the day in a confused daze, forcing her body to go through the motions of cleaning her apartment while she lets her mind wander. She sweeps, vacuums, and then mops the floors, all while going over the conversation with Yelena to pick out every detail she can.

The honey blonde curl of Yelena's hair falling over her shoulder, getting caught in the buttons of her jacket. The flash of her silver rings as she made mac n cheese and pancakes and cleaned as she went. The soft lilt of her accent when she was calm, the way it got thicker when she became aggravated.

Goddamnit Kate Bishop.

Kate picked up her room, made her bed, and cleaned the windows while humming the Taylor Swift song Yelena had been playing earlier. She found herself wondering what the woman's favorite song was, what it sounded like coming from her lips, if the lyrics meant anything special to her.

Lucky follows her around half of the time, his tail wagging at the smallest bit of attention and whenever he's able to steal a sock from her without getting caught. For the rest of it, he perches himself on the couch and either stares at her or sleeps, his chest rumbling with little doggy snores.

By the time that the dinner hour rolls around, Kate's body is aching and her brain feels swollen, and Lucky looks rather refreshed. She lets herself indulge in some floor time, and her puppy joins her where she lays on the carpet. He snuggles under her arm and gives a happy little sigh.

Kate buries her face in his scruff and scratches at his ears slowly, feeling rather tempted to take another nap. But who's to say Yelena wouldn't show back up to drag her outside for fresh air or just kill her? Kate wouldn't put it past her.

She eventually gets up off the floor with a grumpy mumble at the thought.

Kate somehow convinces herself to go to the grocery store and look for actual food instead of giving in to living on pizza and mac-n-cheese and whatever God-given concoction Yelena came up with. (If she even came back. Kate didn't know. She secretly hoped that she would.) Lucky watches her sullenly before the door is shut on his face, and Kate mutters a little sorry to him before striding to the elevator, shrugging her coat on.

The air is bitter and cold once she steps outside, and Kate glances longingly at the warm interior of the pizza shop below her apartment before tucking further into her warm layers. She misses the Christmas lights and general coziness that Christmas was capable of bringing to New York. It was almost easy to ignore the dark parts of it all.

A missing person's poster stapled to a bench brings her mind to her mother. Eleanor Bishop had been sentenced to 30 years in prison, but Kate doubted it would really last that long seeing as she had a lot of fucking money. Either way, Kate felt a needle sink through her chest at the thought of her mother behind bars on Christmas Day. And New Years. And every day since then. And every day into her late 70's.

Eleanor deserved it. Kate knew that. She had killed Armand, conspired with the mafia, and tried to get Clint killed.

But it was her mom. And Kate missed her.

Her shopping went in a haze, and Kate barely registered what she purchased or how much she spent. But at least she had actual fruits and vegetables in her fridge, and maybe Yelena would see that and be less of a pain in her ass.

Doubtful.

Not that she really minded Yelena's behavior, odd as the situation was.

Kate furrowed her brow, absently making her way back to her apartment. This situation was very odd. Odd not only in the sense that Yelena had appeared with a terrible explanation and vanished almost as quickly, but also odd in the fact that Kate was barely questioning it. She had batted an eye at first, of course, but something about the former Black Widow made her relax almost instinctively.

The fact that Yelena could kill her with just a snap of the wrist should've scared Kate away, she supposed, but if she was being honest? That was extremely attractive. Especially with the woman on her side, now. She thinks.

Kate almost expected Yelena to be waiting for her back at her apartment, rings and smile gleaming, armed with ridiculously good food and a quip to make Kate laugh. But, alas, that was some gay ass wishful thinking, and it was just Lucky, who had chewed on a pillow until it was dark with slobber.

"You literally have toys made to be chewed on," Kate scolded him, dumping her bags of groceries onto her kitchen counter. He continued to eat away at the foam, and Kate let him, shaking her head tiredly while she unloaded the various goods into their respective locations. Aka, haphazardly shoved into the fridge, freezer, and random cabinets.

"I don't know how to handle feeling like a U-Haul Lesbian, Lucky," Kate muttered, tossing the empty plastic bags into a drawer and shuffling over to the couch with a box of Poptarts. "Yelena is suddenly here, and she's like, super cool, right? But she also tried to kill Clint. And kind of me, even though she said she didn't." Lucky watched her ramble on amicably, eventually following to sit on the couch with her, abandoning his new chew toy in the process.

"But she's Natasha's sister. Natasha Fucking Romanoff. And she's- fuck, Lucky, she's really pretty." Kate continues on, stuffing sugar into her mouth and going off about anything she can think of, as long as it's related to Yelena.

Kate ends up on the floor again, curled around Lucky with his warm body pressed into her stomach. He's patient with her, letting her squeeze and jostle and pet him however she needs to. Kate feels immensely grateful for him for the millionth time that day. What a dog.

"What'll I do, bud? Huh? What happens if she's too good and then she's gone? Like Clint?" Lucky's eye blinks slowly, and he licks at her cheek before snuggling back in. Logically, Kate knows that Clint did not leave her. He lives in a completely different state, for Pete's sake. He has a family and a home and retirement to look forward to.

But he was what she had idolized for so long, and even after getting to know the dad behind the bow and arrow, she had him on a pedestal. His approval meant everything. His attention and care meant everything. He was a father and Kate could use one of those. Jack was sweet, but she had no clue where he was. Or if he even wanted to see her.

"Maybe I could call him," Kate mumbled aloud, pressing kisses to her dog's soft head. "Bug him about how I'm having a gay crisis over the sister of his dead best friend who tried to kill him and whom I barely know and probably shouldn't trust."

Kate lets that sentence settle in the air for a moment before letting out a sharp laugh. It sounded so fucking ridiculous.

"Maybe I should just try to get through drinks with her first. Whenever that will be."

————

Kate stares heavily through the thick pane of glass in front of her the next morning, her hand sweaty and shaking on the plastic phone she holds to her ear. Her mother looks back, the phone on her side completely untouched. Her eyes are sad and cold and she looks haunted by age, and Kate wants to scream and cry and pull her away from this horrible place so she can take care of her mom.

But Eleanor was a murderer. She lied. She cheated and stole and kicked and clawed and now here she was.

Because Kate put her there.

(Yelena was a murderer, too. What was her excuse?)

"Mom," Kate chokes out, tapping a finger to the phone in the hope that Eleanor would get the hint and grab the other one. She can feel the tears building behind her eyes, hot and uncomfortable and pushing into her skull to create a headache.

Eleanor Bishop does not move. She just looks at Kate. Her eyes shift, but barely. She doesn't even look like she's breathing.

Kate stares desperately, trying to keep her own breathing in check. She can't start hyperventilating, not in a prison, not in front of her mother, not when she forgot her meds that morning and she didn't bring any emergency ones with her in her jacket. "Mom," she tries again, her mouth wobbling. "Mom, please pick up the phone." She knows her mother can read her lips. The glass is not completely soundproof. But she does nothing.

Kate is about to leave when Eleanor's hand appears, and her too-thin fingers grab the phone and bring it to her ear. Kate can barely keep the wail of relief down.

"Mom," Kate whispers, blinking harshly to keep her eyes dry. "Mama."

Eleanor looks a little less haggard at that, but her mouth stays shut.

"Are you eating?"

"Yes."

Her voice almost sends Kate into sobs.

"I miss you," the archer mutters, shame building in her gut. Why was she here?

Eleanor barely reacts, her mouth tightening. Kate can feel anger flaring, but she pushes it down.

"Is it gonna be like this every time I visit?" she asks weakly, her legs starting to bounce. "Are you gonna refuse to talk to me completely one day?"

"Are you going to put anyone else into jail for Christmas someday?"

Kate's jaw drops, and she feels like her mother punched her in the face. Shots fired.

"Are you taking your meds?" Eleanor says, completely changing the direction of this almost one-sided conversation.

Kate stumbles over her words for a moment, headache forming at the verbal and mental whiplash. "I- yes. Yes, I'm taking my meds." Mostly.

Her mother nods and inhales deeply. "I love you, Katie."

Kate lets the tears fall this time, her throat constricting. "I love you too, mom. I'm sorry."

Eleanor puts her phone down, and a guard escorts her away. She doesn't look back at her daughter. Kate barely makes it back home before she collapses into bed and resolves to stay there forever, the tears choking her.

Translations: none

Kate Bishop counter: 1

This chapter's meme:

Comments/reblogs/notes make my day :)

[highway-tuna]

'777' (Chapter Two)

pairing(s): Jake Kiszka x Reader, Josh Kiszka x Reader

wc: 4.3k+

warnings: swearing, implied sex, mentions of dead parent, alcohol, depictions of anxiety

Masterlist

----------------------------------------------------

Entering a lavish looking lounge, you very quickly come to realize you really are underdressed here. Your hands fidget along your clothes, smoothing out your shirt and tugging at the hem. Left and right, people clap Sam on the shoulder with greetings and congratulations on the performance. Even Syd says hi to some people, not being known, but definitely more of a social butterfly than you are. For now, you stay quiet and linger behind the two until you approach another familiar face.

“Oh, now I see what took Sam so long. You must be Sydney, right?” He extends his hand out to her, smiling politely. “I’m Danny.” His eyes look between her and Sam before landing on the shirking figure behind them. It’s as if Sam could feel you hiding because he steps aside, throwing a guiding arm over your shoulder to pull you through. Danny gives a puzzled look once Sam presents you to him, but it’s extremely short lived. “Wait… (Y/N)?” His eyes widen.

You manage to just barely speak out, “It’s great to see you aga-” Your words are cut off by his strong arms pulling you in for a bear hug, almost knocking the air out of you. The embrace feels heavier than Sam’s, not just physically. “Danny?”

With a final squeeze, he finally releases you, looking at you with an… unreadable emotion. “I can’t believe…” He turns to Sam. “Where’d you find her?”

“She was still working with Eleanor. No finding necessary,” he responds. Your eyes dart between the two of them. It feels like some context is missing. Were they actively looking for you or something? You weren’t lost or anything. You’d always been in Michigan. You never left. Sam seems to recognize your confusion. “Mom had told us… what happened with your parents and we thought-”

Your face falls at the mere mention. “No… No, I’ve always been here.” A forced laugh comes out of you, suddenly desperate to avoid talking about this. This claustrophobic feeling causes a tightness in your chest, especially with all three of their eyes on you. Syd has no clue about anything. Sam and Danny have a somewhat better understanding. 

Thankfully, the tension shifts when Danny says, “Well, Josh’s gonna love seeing you again, Sunny. Jake too.” He comfortingly runs his hand along your arm. Sam laughs and lightly nudges him.

“Hey, we’re not allowed to call her that, remember?” Sam adds, Danny rolling his eyes in return. You chuckle, but you clearly don’t understand what they’re referencing. Sam turns to you to explain. “The twins used to give us death glares when we were younger if we’d call you Sunny or Sunshine. Like it was their thing and we weren’t allowed or something.”

Danny shakes his head, but laughs as well. “We -Well, Sam mostly, used to say it whenever he’d want to get on their nerves.”

“Well, yeah! You were close to us too, we should be able to call you that. You were like a sister to us.”

“Probably more like a sister in law.” You freeze at Danny’s comment, a slight tinge of pink warming your cheeks. Unfortunately, he catches your reaction. “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

An awkward thin lipped smile forms on your face while you cross your arms. “Didn’t know what?” A social game is now at hand where you try not to reveal too much all while getting them to tell you what they know. There were… things that had occurred between you and the twins, but they had all happened in secret. At least secret to your knowledge. Sam and Danny exchange a look as if they had shared too much. 

Sam uses this as an opportunity to escape. “Well, I should go take Syd around, right? Have fun you two!” Danny’s jaw tenses as we watch the two dissipate into the crowd, Syd giving us a small wave goodbye.

“So… you were saying?” You tilt your head towards him. He glances around, obviously looking for an escape of his own. Much to your dismay, he finds one. One that brings you a strange sense of dread and excitement.

“Actually, I think I see Josh over there.” You don’t even get the chance to disagree or even prepare yourself before you feel Danny’s hands on your shoulders, guiding you in his direction. The beating of your heart rattles your chest, ringing all the way up to your ears. What is there to say? How is he going to react to seeing you? And Jake? That’s going to be even worse. “Josh!” He calls out, waving one of his hands to get his attention over all the people bustling about. In the middle of a conversation with a drink in hand, he looks over locking onto Danny. 

His caramel colored eyes meet yours, filling you with a warm sense of familiarity. As if all the memories of hardship fade and all you can recall are the warm summer days of playing in the grassy field together or chopping wood during icy Frankenmuth winters. The crowd around you disappears in your mind and with one small contact, it’s just you and him. You were always unaware of what feelings would arise when you’d reconnect, but you didn’t expect such a swell of your heart. Everything plays in slow motion as you watch wires connecting in his head, wasting no time to remember you. Maybe he didn’t have to remember. It seems like he never forgot.

Rapidly excusing himself from his conversation and placing his drink onto the counter, he makes his way over to you guys. Just as he reaches you, as if divine intervention, Danny gets pulled aside by other guests. Finally, standing feet across from each other, he… doesn’t do anything. Nothing is said. He doesn’t pull you into a tight hug like Danny or make a verbal scene like Sam. His eyes just bear into yours before falling to every feature across your face, taking in every detail. It’s almost a contagious notion because you find yourself doing the same. 

The light, the sunshine in his eyes have gone completely unchanged. They sparkle almost to the same degree as the little gemstones surrounding them. An unfamiliar characteristic in his day to day from when you knew him, but Josh always had a flair for the dramatic. And speaking of unfamiliarly dramatic, his tight curly mullet and shaved sides down to his mustache and goatee definitely present him as a new man to you. Yet his rosy cheeks, possibly flushed for a multitude of reasons, and soft pink lips parted just enough to remind you of his tooth gap continue to feed into the image of the Josh you once knew. Full of joy and energy and light, always starkly contrasting the life you had endured. The quietest chuckle escapes you, more akin to a hefty breath out of your nose. 

“Joshua,” You say his name in almost a mocking tone, teasing just as you used to when you were kids. His hands grab both of yours, giving them a quick squeeze before they gingerly run up your arms and onto your shoulders.With another firm grasp, he pulls you into a quick hug, pulling away to cup your cheeks. 

“God, Sunny…” seems like all he can make out. It’s a rare occasion when you can render Josh Kiszka speechless. If this reunion were more private, you could bet that there would be tears involved. His grin widens as he laughs, the sound bringing a warmth to your chest. A feeling you hadn’t felt in… the years he’d been gone. “How… how are you? You look as beautiful as I remembered.”

You push your tongue into your cheek, biting back a grin. The blush across your cheeks gives away your feelings as much as you’d like to hide them. Shaking your head at his compliment, you respond, deflecting his question. “I should be asking you how you’ve been. Look at you, playing stadiums and… and looking like this.” It’s undeniable how handsome he had become. Of course, he was always attractive, but he’s a man now. A confident and sparkly man. “Drama club and show choir really paid off, huh?” You playfully nudge him.

It’s amazing how quickly the ice had melted. It wasn’t an exaggeration that Josh was the sun. He always had this magical ability to pull things out of people, things that were gone or hidden. Things that maybe never existed to begin with, but he could find it. “Oh, definitely. Did they pay off for you too?” A laugh leaves your lips as you shake your head and it almost surprises you. The internal whiplash you’re feeling, it’s suffocating almost. Why did things feel so easy with Josh? Why is there this lifted feeling in you? Why could he make you laugh earnestly; the first time you’d laughed and genuinely meant it in years? You expected a tense discussion about what happened- well, there was still time for that. Especially with Jake. “What’ve you been doing?”

“Still bartending. Nothing much else, nothing like you guys.” He rolls his eyes, brushing off your comment.

“Are you still at El’s?”

“Yep, but she moved her business out here.”

“Ah, so you’re living in Detroit now?” Your lower lip disappears between your teeth. Talking about where you lived was painful to say the least. Falling asleep at the bar so often wasn’t ever an accidental decision for you. It went hand in hand with crashing at El’s house or finding anyone willing to take you to bed with them for the night. Anything to keep you from that physical flashback. It’s just a glorified storage container at this point. You’d stop by to change clothes, maybe shower and brush your teeth, but that’s about it. It’s been over a month since the last time you had to sleep there. You finally shake your head in response to Josh’s question, garnering a furrowed brow. “You’re still in Frankenmuth?”

“Never left.” The words fall out of your mouth dryly. His jaw tightens as worry fills his eyes.

“Sunny, don’t tell me you’re-”

“I am. He left me the house and ran off after she… passed.” You chuckle bitterly and shrug, not allowing him to spout pitiful sentiments your way. “Can’t look a gift horse in the mouth, right?” His eyes scan yours, trying to find something to say. But even with all the time away from each other, he seems to know not to push it, at least not now. Not here. Eager to escape this awkward feeling, you decide to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. “Is Jake here?” Your arm crosses your chest, digging into the flesh of your opposite shoulder. Whether the conversation at hand is making you anxious or purely the thought of Jake’s presence is anyone’s guess.

It’s now Josh’s turn to bark out a harsh laugh. “Already trying to ditch me, Sunny?” You shake your head and prepare to defend yourself, but he catches you off guard. With his hand placed along the small of your back, he leans in and speaks softly, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to be a little selfish before I have to share you again.” His mouth hovers just by your ear, so close you could feel his breath on your skin. You choose to ignore the goosebumps along your skin and hope he does the same. “Come with me.” 

His placement on your lower back is unwavering as he guides you through the busy lounge, passing the bar where you spot a familiar figure in the distance. “Is that…?” Halting in your tracks, Josh begrudgingly does the same with a weary sigh. The sight of him sends a chill straight down your spine. The dimly lit lounge doesn’t do much in seeing the finer details, but you know it’s him. From his wispy brown hair grazing his shoulders straight down to his chelsea boots. Wearing sunglasses inside of an already dark building isn’t something you’d put past him, but it definitely didn’t help your already frayed image of him. Neither did the woman fawning over him, hands draped across the exposed skin of his loosely buttoned shirt. 

A sour smirk is plastered on your face as you return your gaze to Josh. “He hasn’t changed much, has he?” Your tone holds a grudge, one you shouldn’t even have at this point.

“He has, I promise.” Josh tilts his head, gesturing for you to look back. With another glance, it does seem like he’s indifferent to the woman desperately vying for his affection. The drink in his hand calls his attention more than she does. For a split second, it feels as though he’s staring in your direction although the sunglasses make it practically impossible to tell if he can even see you, let alone recognize you. “We could go say hi, if you’d like.”

No hesitation, you shake your head. “He seems busy. You wanted me to yourself.” Your eyes meet Josh’s once more, an excited glint very present in his sights. “I’m all yours, Josh.” Most people would try to avoid seeming so eager, but he wasn’t like most people. A toothy grin spreads from ear to ear as he nods, his hand at the small of your back slipping towards your waist with a gentle squeeze. You return the smile and allow him to direct you again. Taking a quick peek over your shoulder, you notice Jake is suddenly alone. A ping of guilt strangely paired with curiosity can be felt, but it’s forced down once he’s out of your view. 

------------------------------------------------------

Both you and Josh roll your eyes at the sound of Jake’s door slamming shut, followed by girly giggles and squeals. With the parental Kiszkas gone for the weekend and Ronnie at a friend’s for a sleepover, that left the house unattended except for the twins and Sam. You’d been invited over which wasn’t a surprise as you’d always been the default guest, but what was to your surprise was the fact that you weren’t the only one. In fact, it was a surprise to both Sam and Josh as well that Jake had invited his new girlfriend over. 

On a regular occasion, the boys weren’t even allowed behind closed doors with a girl. You were the only one Karen and Kelly trusted in that regard. But once they were gone, that rule went straight out the window. Mostly for Jake. He had an alternating roster of girls, in and out, but rarely had it been such a late night and obvious endeavor.

“Jakey!” You and Josh wince at the sound of her voice through the thin walls. You shake your head and return your attention to the twin beneath you as you sit astride him at the edge of his bed. It’s a funny parallel to what’s probably going on in Jake’s room, but here, it was far more innocent. Josh had designated you as his own makeup artist for his personal film projects. He was going to shoot some footage tomorrow, but still hadn’t nailed a look down for his makeup. 

Dragging the eyeliner pencil along his waterline, he keeps blinking and interrupting you. Your tongue sticks out just a bit in an expression of concentration, but when he moves again, you groan. “Josh, keep your eyes open or learn to do this yourself,” you clearly scold him yet the grin that tugs at each corner of your mouth makes it impossible to be serious.

“I’m trying, Sunny, but this is the worst part,” he dramatically whines, tilting his head back as he rests his hands on your thighs to support you. Close proximity was something you never shied away from when it came to the Kiszka twins. Their love language was always physical touch, platonic or otherwise. It mostly came through with Josh, but Jake did it too. It felt more… accidental with Jake or just something he did absentmindedly rather than Josh’s intentional touching. He leans back in, returning access to his face. “Just don’t poke my eye out and we’ll be-”

The sounds of bed creaks and light thuds in a rhythmic pattern hitting the connecting wall cause his words to come to a halt. So the torture begins. You sigh and press the pencil back to Josh’s waterline. “I swear to god, if he doesn’t turn on some music or something…” You complain out loud, hoping he can hear you. But after a moment longer, it’s apparent that this is only going to get worse. The creaking gets faster and in turn, the moaning begins. There’s a shared disgust in both your face and Josh’s. High pitched breathy moans that sound almost dramatized. 

The two of you try to continue despite the noise, but it’s impossible. Meticulously smearing red face paint along his cheeks, you hear Jake’s name practically being chanted in that same sharp, grating tone. You pray for Sam’s sake that this is only as easily heard here because of the shared wall and not that it’s echoing throughout the house. “I’m gonna kill him tomorrow,” Josh mutters.

“I’ll kill him tonight.” You both laugh while more sounds of pleasure cause your ears to bleed. A sneaking thought creeps into your mind, wondering what Jake could possibly be doing that would make someone feel so good. With a literal shake of your head, you dissuade that thought. “Y’know, two can play at this game.” Josh’s brow quirks up with intrigue, never one to shy away from a little mischief. No warning, you pull away from Josh’s face and let out a dramatic moan. His hand shoots to his mouth in a mix of shock and laughter. The creaking of the bed slows for a moment, but continues at its original pace.

“What the hell are you doing, Sunny?”

“Giving him a taste of his own medicine. He’s being an asshole,” you respond before moaning again. And again. And again. In a pattern not too far off from what’s happening in Jake’s room. As a cherry on top, you cry out, “Oh, Joshy!” You can’t get it out without laughter trailing the end, but your point was still made by the extremely loud boom of Jake throwing something against the wall. The sounds almost cease entirely after that. 

Garnering a look of sheer bewilderment from Josh, he stares up at you and glances down at the fact that you’ve been moaning wildly all the while straddling his lap. His fingertips press into the flesh of your thighs, giving them a gentle squeeze. A light pink tinge sprouts from his cheeks beneath the red face paint. “You sound… experienced,” he mumbles. You laugh and shake your head, moving back in to finish up the makeup.

“Not at all actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Haven’t found anyone to…” Your words falter when you hear the sound of Jake’s door open and footsteps making their way to Josh’s bedroom. Your head whips around to the door flying open, revealing a shirtless and sweaty Jake, chest still slightly heaving. The flushed look on his face was either one of anger or exertion. Probably both. You cock your brow at him, unmoving from Josh’s lap. A notion he seemingly agrees with as he continues to knead your thighs. “Need something, Jakey?” Your tone comes out as naive as you can manage, but calling him by that pet name in the same exact way his girlfriends call him makes it clear that you’re being intentional.

Josh cranes his head around to see his brother past your figure on top of him. “Yeah, need something, Jacob?”

With a huff and puff, Jake's jaw tightens. “You’re un-fucking-believable,” he mumbles, shaking his head before turning on his heel. He slams the door behind him and presumably returns to his room. You almost feel guilty for a moment, but Josh catches that look in your eyes. He cradles your face in his hand and shares a smile.

“He’ll get over it. You know he can’t stay mad at you, Sunny,” he grins as he tries to instill some comfort, “He was being gross anyway. He deserved it.” You slowly nod, mirroring Josh’s look of reassurance to let him know you were okay. “Now, the task at hand, how do I look?” Chuckling, you smear red paint across his nose, messing up the intentional design.

“We’re gonna have to start over.” You reach over to the pile of makeup supplies on Josh’s bed, grabbing a makeup wipe before settling back onto his lap.

His hands support you, gently resting on your waist as his eyes flutter shut while you begin cleaning the makeup off of his face. “And as long as you stay right here, I don’t mind.”

------------------------------------------------------

The cool Detroit air graces your skin, goosebumps coating your arms. Maybe stepping outside of the lounge on a September night without a jacket or anything was not the best call. Josh chuckles at the sight of you and rubs his hands along your arms, trying to help keep you warm. Unfortunately, Josh’s hands are just as naturally cold as you remembered them. “You’re not helping, y’know,” you correct him with a chuckle of your own.

“The friction helps both of us,” he adds, a twinkle of… something in his eyes.

“Is the Josh Kiszka from famous rock band Greta Van Fleet flirting with me?” You tease him as you raise your brow at his actions. 

He laughs, pulling you in closer to him. “I missed this. I missed you.” The jovial energy falters, shifting into pure sincerity. A change that feels heavy and begins to gnaw at you with racing thoughts mixed with varying levels of guilt. When he pulls you in, you instinctively rest your head against his shoulder. The privacy out here and lack of bystanders makes this moment feel all the more sentimental. “You could’ve called, (Y/N)...” His quiet phrase feels like a knife to the chest, the following words becoming the poetic twist. “When everything happened to your parents, Mom called me. Wanted me to tell Jake too, but I- uh… didn’t get around to it.”

Your blood runs cold as he starts to bring up the past, things you haven’t spoken about since they happened. You never wanted to talk about it again, never thought there’d be a reason to. But then again, it was fully expected that you’d never see Josh or Jake again. “Sorry,” in a meek tone is all you can utter for now.

“Don’t. Don’t be sorry, Sunny. It’s okay.”

“Why… why didn’t you tell Jake?”

The question catches Josh off guard, a silence filling the air before he finds the words. “I… don’t really know, if I’m being honest. When Mom told me, I didn’t know if you were… she didn’t even know if…” His words keep trailing off, but you get the full picture.

“You thought I was dead?”

“It was a possibility.” He gently squeezes you with his arm wrapped around you. “Jake was a little worse for wear after we left. I knew you two didn’t end on a good note, but if I let him know… I just didn’t think it would be good for him.”

A light scoff falls from your lips. “And you just dealt with it alone?”

“For the first couple of months, yeah. We came back to Frankenmuth for the holidays and the word got out to Sam and Danny… to Jake.” With the way he says Jake’s name, you can only imagine it wasn’t a pretty discussion. The twins told each other everything- well, almost everything- so if Josh had kept a secret as big as that from him, it must’ve been ugly. “We even… went to your house that year and you weren’t there. Really drove home the possibility that you were gone.”

You can hear the heavy emotion Josh swallows down as he lets out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you two… all of you through that.”

“I’m sorry we weren’t there for you.” His apology leaves you with a tightness in your chest. Pulling away, he turns to fully face you, cupping your face in his hands. He gently strokes your face with his thumb and stares directly into your eyes, full of a certain tenderness. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” You feel a warmhearted kiss pressed to the top of your head before he brings you into a tight hug, resting his face against your hair.

Hot tears stain your cheeks while you bite down on your lower lip, trying to fight back an even bigger reaction. What must’ve actually lasted a minute or two felt like ages, making up for the lost time. It had been so long since you’d been held so intimately. One hand draped around your shoulders, the other running soothing fingers through your hair.

The door to the lounge swings open beside you and a familiar voice calls out before there’s even the chance to separate. “Josh, I think I’m heading…” You withdraw at the sound and turn, meeting face to face with the darkened mirror of the man you were just holding. The sight of you causes his words to pause. 

A nearby outdoor light casts a glow over his face and with his sunglasses tucked into the chest pocket of his loose button up, you can actually see his chocolate brown eyes, accented by the dark circles beneath them. His soft, round face accompanied by his heart shaped lips that you mentally kick yourself for letting your eyes fall to. He runs a finger over the light mustache settled atop his upper lip, a familiar nervous tick of his. But your assessment of his features are cut short by the look of borderline fear in his eyes. As if he’d seen a ghost. “(Y/N)...?”

“Hi, Jake.”

[d-j-t-15]

Danny phantom au idea

Some thing’s about my Danny phantom au:

Johnny 13’s real name is Jonathan ‘Johnny’ Sullivan.

He and Kitty died in a car crash.

Kitty’s real name is Catherine ‘Kitty’ Manson.

Kitty is Grandma Ida’s niece.

Warden Walker is Danny’s maternal grandfather and he died of a bullet wound during a prison riot.

The Box Ghost is Jack Fenton’s older brother and he died in a workplace accident.

Ember’s parents are both former musicians and were happy that she wanted to follow in their footsteps.

Ember has an older brother named Andrew ‘Drew’ McLain Jr.

The name of Ember’s dad is Andrew ‘Drew’ McLain

The name of Ember’s mom is Eleanor McLain

Ember’s parents aren’t stupid, when Ember first appeared in Amity Park, they immediately recognized her as their daughter.

The GIW are not idiots and are actually quite intelligent when it comes to chemistry and physics.

It’s just that they have stormtrooper levels of aiming and their patrons can’t cover all the damage that they cause.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

Hey! Curious if you're currently into any great shows. If so, mind sharing your recommendations? Always on the lookout for some good TV suggestions!

I imagine you've seen everything I have. I spend more time gaming. Not into anything great at the moment, but I can dig deep and see if I can remember what shows I've watched since Hannibal aired and give my opinions. I binge TV series with my mom who is in her 80's and has Parkinson's and macular degeneration and can't really do activities or read anymore, so I rewatched some old ones with her here largely to torture her with them, so they'll be in here also.

S-Tier (Winners)

My Brilliant Friend. Probably the best thing I've watched since Hannibal. If S4 is out I haven't seen it yet, no spoilers.

Better Call Saul. Possibly tied with My Beautiful Friend. Better than Breaking Bad. Much better ending. So good, no complaints. Nailed the ending. Did I mention the ending?

A-Tier (Runners-up)

Black Sails: God, there were some parts of this that were so gratuitous and tedious, especially early on, and I hated Eleanor Guthrie and not in the kind of way that means good things for a show. Some of the dialogue was just really on the nose too. This sounds like a lot of complaints, but the things it did well, it did SO WELL that it really does make up for the negatives. The acting was sooooo good and the Flint and Silver dynamic was AMAZING and the show looked great, and over all that, it really had something thoughtful to say, and that stays with you when it's over.

Stranger Things: Some parts of this show hit better than others, but I'm squarely in the bullseye of the target audience and get the vast majority of the references and nostalgia, and I love David Harbour. I appreciate their exploration of various types of horror, attempting a new style each season, and I like the charm and humor and cheese, and it's a show that knows its voice and its tone and commits fully to those things. It's trying to be a fun show and it is, and it wants to deal with real fears and real grief, and it does.

The Handmaid's Tale: Speaking of shows that are committed to their tone, this one definitely is that. It's too heavy and relentless for most people, I think, but I don't mind that at all. Parts of it do drag, but it has a lot of the same qualities (for good or bad) as Black Sails: great acting, powerful character dynamics, the things that it does well it does so well it makes up for the shortcomings, imo.

Breaking Bad: Famous show, not much to say here. Rewatched it recently and don't think it's as good as Better Call Saul, so I put it here.

B-Tier (Can't complain but will anyway)

Good Omens: Can't get into it, can't find anything particularly wrong with it. I'm into the ship. I guffaw out loud while watching it yet am thoroughly bored most of the time. Love Michael Sheen and David Tennant on screen together. I know the show can't be that all the time but I wish it was. Aziraphale ftw. I feel like people missed the point of the ending of the last season.

Mad Men: Show could give Seinfeld a run for its money in terms of being about nothing, but definitely had its charm. Watched it with my mom so her nostalgia and appreciation for how historically authentic it felt went a long way. Good performances. God, it could be boring sometimes though.

Vikings: This one was a lot like Black Sails for me. They had a bit of a struggle for a season or two but once going, they really got going. Many great acting performances and characters. Loved Ecbert and Ivar especially. Didn't have Toby Stephens and Luke Arnold, so you know...can't quite make that tier. And didn't have as much to say, or didn't say it as well, and it doesn't stay with you.

C-Tier (Can complain and will, but were good enough to stick with)

LOST

The X-Files

His Dark Materials

Downton Abbey

BBC Sherlock

Game of Thrones (I think most people have misdiagnosed this show's problems, but it sure did have them)

D-Tier (Tried but could NOT, though many people will like these...they were just Not For Me)

Bridgerton

Dark

The Good Place

The Gilded Age

Outlander

The Crown

Outer Range (what even the fuck with this show)

I tried to think of more shows I've watched in this time, but this about sums it up. But here are a couple YouTube channels I really like:

Beau of the Fifth Column

Bistro Huddy

[music-tourney]

Round 1 match ups!

People are strange by the Doors vs Alice's Restaurant Massacree by Arlo Guthrie 

Puff the Magic Dragon by Peter, Paul and Mary vs House of the Rising Sun by the Animals

Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison vs Respect by Aretha Franklin

Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash vs Heroin by the Velvet Underground

Somebody to Love by Jefferson Airplane vs Pinball Wizard by The Who

My Way by Frank Sinatra vs She's not there by the Zombies

Green onions by Booker T. & The M.G.’s vs Georgia on My Mind by Ray Charles 

Return to sender by Elvis Presley vs The Girl From Ipanema by Stan Getz And Joāo Gilberto

Aquarius (Let the Sunshine In) by the 5th Dimension vs Ain't Too Proud for Beggin by the Temptations

Change is gonna come by Sam Cooke vs What a wonderful World by Louis Armstrong 

Come A little bit Closer by Jay and the Americans vs Ain't no mountain high enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

Don't Rain on My Parade by Barbra Streisand vs Season of the Witch by Donovan

Good vibrations by the Beach Boys vs I'm a Believer by The Monkees

Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell vs Stand by Me by Ben E. King

Cactus tree by Joni Mitchell vs Can't take my eyes off you by Frankie valli

Tainted Love by Gloria Jones vs Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett

Mrs. Robinson By Simon and Garfunkel vs Happy Together by the Turtles

I want you back by The Jackson 5 vs Space Oddity by David Bowie

Spirit in the Sky By Norman Greenbaum vs Son of a Preacher man by Dusty Springfield

This boots are made for walking by Nancy Sinatra vs Eight Miles High by the Byrds

Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and the Shondells vs Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival 

Maybe This Time by Liza Minnelli vs You really got me by the Kinks

Sitting by the dock of the bay by Otis Redding vs Nights in White Satin by the Moody Blues

California Dreamin’ by The Mama's and the Papa's vs You Can't Hurry Love by the Supremes

Like a rolling stone by Bob Dylan vs The Impossible Dream by Jim Nabors 

Complication by the Monks vs Sweet Caroline By Neil Diamond

Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Cosby, Stills and Nash vs Piece of my Heart By Big Brother and the Holding Company 

White Room by Cream vs 21st Century Schizoid Man By King Crimson 

I Say a Little Prayer by Dionne Warwick vs It's not Unusual by Tom Jones

Be my Baby by the Ronettes vs For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield 

Fire by Arthur Brown vs Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones 

River Deep Mountain High by Ike and Tina Turner vs Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows By Lesley Gore

Blackberry Way by The Move vs Feeling Good by Nina Simone

So Long Mom (A song for World War III) by Tom Lehrer vs All along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix 

Good Times, Bad Times by Led Zeppelin vs Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles 

Dream a Little Dream of Me by Mama Cass vs I Got You (I Feel Good) by James Brown

[vanderwoodlings]

I really am fucking obsessed with 2.07 tho. Like

S: When it's just the three of us, it's fine, but anytime she gets a new guy, she stepfords out and lets him make all the decisions.

E: I don't think that's what's happening.

S: Remember when we had to move to Chamonix because German Klaus wanted to ski all year round?

E: That wasn't so bad.

S: But what about Paolo—the raw food diet? Family colonics? Or Sameer? I know I enjoyed our—

E: I see what you mean.

See that. That would’ve been enough—Serena didn’t spend her entire childhood in the Upper East Side. That tiny fragment alone is fascinating! But the overall point that Lily repeatedly changes herself for men and that affects her parenting style, meaning that Serena and Eric’s home life was even more unstable than previously thought? That’s something to chew on. But wait—there’s more:

B: Oh, your mother. Remember how she always used to just jet off to Mustique or Ibiza without warning while you and Eric were still in school?

S: Eleanor always knew when we showed up with our overnight bags. Lily had a new boyfriend. We tried alternating between you and the archibalds so you guys never knew how bad it really was.

B: We knew.

Like, this is in-text neglect. This is “Lily was in no way ready or able to be a parent” level stuff. (And then you think about the Scott of it all and you have to wonder if Serena was in any way planned or if Lily just couldn’t do that again. You have to wonder.)

And there’s the idea of Blair and Nate and the first time that they ever really added how much time Eric and Serena had been spending at their houses, and the idea of these tiny kids doing their best to make it okay as much as possible, and Serena is trying really hard to parent Eric and make it seem as okay as possible, but Eric is entirely aware even if he can’t say anything because that would make Serena’s life hard, and so everyone’s lying to everyone else and they’re all trying very hard not to talk about how not okay it is.

Someone write the fic.

Still, we continue:

S: I remember this one time, um, when I was eleven. Eric and I wanted a white christmas. Luckily, mom's husband was a raging cokehead, so he left blow everywhere.

L: Oh my god.

E: It wasn't everywhere—just on the smooth, shiny surfaces.

S: Was that, um, German Klaus with a "k," or was it Danish Claus with a "c"? I can't ever remember which ones she actually married or which she just decided were more important than her children.

Like, wow. And you wonder why your kids have issues.

(And I focus a lot on how Lily is bringing unsafe people into her kids’ lives, but she’s also bringing them into her life. Just makes me wanna grab the gossip girl writers by the lapels and shake them until all the explorations of trauma fall out.)

L: Eric, my darling, you are always honest with me. It isn't true, is it?

E: I know Serena’s timing sucked, but she did pretty much raise me all those years. You just weren't here, you know?

L: I wasn't that bad.

E: Our ringtone for you was "Since U Been Gone.” Vanya the doorman used to sign our permission slips from school.

When I put that last bit into i won’t cross these streets, I got several comments re: ow. Because it is, in fact, painful.

But it’s also canon, and it’s one of the multitude of anecdotes that Eric and Serena give us about the pre-series era in this episode—like, the “Since U Been Gone” thing? That’s a whole dark joke coping mechanism shared between them, which means that Eric and Serena chose it together. Maybe it was as simple as Eric getting his first phone and being excited to give reverting custom ringtones, or maybe one of them straight up had a breakdown and the joke was part of a way to calm down. It’s not just saying Lily wasn’t there, it’s giving us all the little parts of what that meant—in anecdotes, in Serena’s stress response focusing so much on Protect Eric, in Eric talking Serena down at the start of the episode and coolly backing her up when she finally loses it

It’s a fucking gift that just keeps giving